It's 4 Am And I'm Wide Awake

Well it 4 Am and I am not sleeping, I am wide  wake and have been since about 2 Am. I have just finished 36 minutes of chair aerobic exercise. I see my orthopedic doctor Wednesday and maybe he will release me to do more on my foot. I want to do this work out at least two more times today.

I see my therapist today and think Ill go over my meal plans for the last week. I think the scale should be dropping but it's not. This is very frustrating to me. I also need to talk to her about my lack of sleep. With my allergies acting up and being a little manic I look terrible. I have big dark circles and bags under my eyes.

Had a girls day out with my daughter yesterday and we where like a couple of kids. I had my hair done and she had her eyebrows waxed. We had lunch but I was so worried about what I eating that I couldn't really enjoy that part. She had chocolate cake for desert and I munched on some fresh fruit. My heart wasn't into it but I followed my meal plan. We then went shopping and picked up a few things. It was a long day and I think I wore my daughter out!

Showed the house today and the lady was taking pictures. That made me a little nervous, but she seemed really interested. I really not sure what we will do right now if she would make an acceptable bid  on the house.  I am even thinking about taking it off the market until I know what is going to happen with Alice

My thankful list for the day:

1. Jesus loves me
2. Alice
3. My therapist
4. My friends
5. Blogging friends

How Many Days?

How many days doing  something does it take to make it a habit? I was thinking I heard only 14 days. Or was it 31 days? Anyway I have started my fitness journal. I have started exercising and a  food journal. I am hoping this will give me an honest look at where I am and improve my health. I am already seeing a mood improvement,  I fear it might become an obsession, but at least it is a healthy one.

I am also going to repeat everyday my affirmation that my therapist gave me to say. "I am competent, capable and lovable."  I know I am fighting a battle with myself, but I must improve myself talk to improve my health. Right now I need extra support of my friends and family and therapist to do this, but I am worth the effort, I have hit a place in my life where I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I  believe with  God's help and the help of my friends, family and therapist I can become less depressed.

I realize I have an illness, but I can not let it control my entire life. I think I may have hit my rock  bottom and the only way is up. I am not saying that this will be easy, but I chose to take  an active part on my healing. Does this mean I will never slip? I don't think so!  My abuse and illness can not control my life.

From today on I will

1. Take my medicine as prescribed
2.  I will exercise 5 days a week
3. I will record and follow my meal plan
4. I will say my affirmation daily
5. I will keep my therapy appointments
6. I will say something I am thankful for daily

Today I am thankful for my daughter, my friends, my family,blogging, and that Jesus loves me. 

Sunday Sketches

Just want to tell everyone to love one another!

Young New Gospel Group

Red Roots

 We went and saw this group in concert and they were awesome. They have an upbeat sound. The are triplets and are only twenty years old, They did several beautiful songs. I really like a song called "When God Says No'' I wish I had a video clip of this song. We did buy the CD with the song on it.  This song  helped me answer the question " Why didn't God answer my prayer when I was holding Chris' hand as he was dying." As a mother I may never fully understand why God needed him more than I did. God's love is sometimes beyond human understanding. A dear friend , pastor R, once told me God answers all prayer either yes, no, or later. I believe I will someday see Chris in heaven. Maybe he is helping God with his computer system. 

This is a sample of one of the other songs they sang.

 

They took a picture with Alice that she is posting on her blog. I highly recommend this group. Great girls

Haven't Been Able To Workout

Since I broke my foot I haven't been able to work out. I found some cool chair aerobic on you tube. I started these last night to help my mood. I also saw the doctor today and he up my mood stabilizer. I see my therapist tomorrow and I have been thinking about the "good" things in my life. I am not going to fall to this disease!

I Think It's Time To Call The Doctor

I have really been fighting my mood swings. I was hoping things would settle down. It has just gone on too long. There have been days I could not even get out of bed follow by the uncontrollable urge to spend money and binge eat. It has been going on about two weeks now and I haven't been able to afford seeing my therapist or psychiatric. As soon as the office opens I am going to make the call. I think my medicine may need to be tweaked just a little bit. Just holding on doesn't seem to be working!

 Well the doctor returned my call and wants to see me tomorrow.

 Some times I wonder if I would had been "normal" if I had not been sexually abused. Would I still have the wide mood swings? Have I been misdiagnosis?  I wonder what would be different today. I will be forever grateful that I found a wonder friend and pastor that still cares about me today. I not sure I would have been as tolerate of others if I had not suffered so. I guess good can from bad if we let it.

Since Chris' death I have really struggled with why God did NOT answer my prayers to heal him. Do I still believe in God? Yes. I just have a very hard time asking God for anything. I know this is wrong, but I figure I can't be disappointed if I just don't ask. I have found that I am very much like that in so many ways. I believe I have lost hope for a better tomorrow.

I keep working on bettering myself and helping others. That is one thing I can do. I can love others and help the misunderstood. That I can do and will continue to do,

  

In Loving Memory Caylee Anthony

Happy 4th Of July

Have a safe and happy 4th of July Weekend.

To all my friends in cyber land. Thank you for your support and kindness! Much love!

Really Fighting Depression Right Now

I am really fighting depression right now. I don't know why it is so bad right now but it is. It could be the fact that   I am so stranded since neither Alice or myself can drive right now. It might be the heat or the fact that I can not afford to see my therapist. I am doing everything possible to not let this get me down so low that I can not pull myself up. I am reading a good book on depression but it is so hard to consecrate on what I am reading, Will touch base with everyone later.

Monday Monday

 It's Monday & 102 In the shade. Keep cool!

Wow Two Of Us Wounded

Last night Alice was in a near car auto accident. Good news is she did not hit the car. Bad news she injured her knee and can not walk or drive right now. That leaves us both unable to drive! This too shall pass.

This And That

Saw my orthopedic doctor yesterday and he said the bones in my foot where healing very slowly. I see him again in two weeks and if it continues to heal  I won;t need surgery. I an to take it easy until I see him, but I no longer have to be on bed rest.

Princess is feeling better and has done a good job taking her medicine,  She doesn't seem to mind the special diet food  she has to be on.

I started reading Dr Deb's new book and it is very good. I would recommend it to anyone that battles depression.

My friend Y won a 2 day trip and I am going with her for  a few days. I  hope I won't be a total drag with my foot in this will have to take it easy,but you just can't pass up a free get away.

Alice and I are doing well and she has been a life savior with my  broken foot,  I think she is glad to be back in Tulsa.

Sick Pussy Cat

I just got Princess back from the vet today. She  had a severe infection and now needs a  special diet due to her age. She goes back to the vet in 10 days and is on antibiotics until then. Alice will be giving her the medicine because she can control her better than I can. At least she is going to be OK. 

Bed-rest

I am supposed to be on bed-rest until the 15th to give the bones in my foot time time to heal. I will have to wear the boot for two months because of the type of break it was. I am having a hard time staying down. I am such an active person. Alice and I have been having a good time together. Her leg seems to be getting a bit stronger. Holding my leg down really hurts. (Even in this hot old boot!)

I am really fighting the depression from lack of activity.I am so afraid I'm am going to gain weight. I know I obsess too much over this. Old habits are hard to break. I  have some time for reading which is good.

I have been looking at some of my daughter's catalogs.  I would really like to get our nails done if we can afford it this month. I just think that most of the time they are over priced.

I just found out that I loss some shingles in the last storm. I am having a roof man come later this week. It always something, but I could always be a lot worst.

I am so thankful for all the good things we have.

Not Feeling Well

I haven't been feeling well so it's been awhile since I blogged. Just wanted to let everybody know I'm OK and will try to get back in the swing of things soon.

Oklahoma Hit Again

Oklahoma was hit again with tornadoes last night. Eight are dead and there is a missing 3 year old. This family needs our prayers because they lost a 15 month old in the storms.

Alice and I went to the storm shelter when the alarm was sounded. I was very worried about Alice because she was on crutches. She made it fine, in facts she ended up driving me to the hospital. In the storm shelter she was having a panic attack, so I was standing up to give her room to get to some fresh air. When I stood up my blood pressure apparently drop out because I passed out an fell flat on my face. I am just so thankful I did not fall on the five small children that were in front of me sitting on the floor. I ended up with a broken foot and now can not bear any weight on it until I see the orthopedic doctor in 3 to 5 days. They said it was a clean break and should heal up OK. Like I say I am just thankful it wasn't anything serious.

We do need to pray for all the families that lost so much. 

We Made It

Alice and I are back home safely. Still have to unpack the van in the morning, Going to try and get some rest now.

Getting Ready To Hit The Road

S and I are getting ready to make the finale arrangements to hit the road. It's suppose to rain tomorrow as we head out. Alice is going to be busy tomorrow closing accounts and finale packing tomorrow. I think she is happy about the move.

I never been on a road trip that is this long before so I am kind of anxious. It's about a 19 hour drive one way and we are going to drive it in two days so we won't be driving at night.That's a long way to be in a crowded vehicle, but I sure everything will go OK.

I'll be off line until Monday or Tuesday. My house is suppose to show again in a little bit. The housing market is so depressed right now and loans are hard to get especially for a used mobile home. Of course if it sold tomorrow and not sure what I would do at this point. So maybe things will work out in the right time frame. It's about time for the showing so I guess I'll close for now. It early but I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Two Days

Well it two days until we head out to get Alice. I'm excited and nervous. It's a very long trip. Road trip!!! Oh my.

 I am on the manic side, still not sleeping, but don't feel a need for sleep. I am hoping all goes well. Alice has her last appointment with her therapist today and her last appointment with her PCP Thursday. I'm going to try and get some CD to take on the trip. We will have a GPS so hopefully we won't get lost. Wish us luck and safe travel.

I Hate You Scale!

I have been trying to follow my meal plan and exercise everyday. I followed my therapist advise and stopped weighing everyday and it has come back to bite me in the butt. The number has gone up and my clothes are too tight. I'm going to have to cut way back on what I'm eating. I haven't been eating out so that is NOT the problem. I just can not seem to win. Today I'm going to half everything and double the exercise. I just can not gain weight and got to drop the stupid pounds I put on.

Would someone be willing to share a meal plan that works?

I Want My Blog To Be

I want my blog to be a place of

1. Healing
2. Love
3. Caring
4. Sharing
5. Hope
6. Dreams
7. Honesty
8. Warmth
9. Information
10. Inspiration
11. Comfort
12. Safety
13. Welcome thoughts
14. Diversity
15. Freedom

May Be A Bit Manic

I may be a bit manic. I'm not sleeping and wanting to spend money. I also want to be anywhere except at home. I am in a good mood. I don't know if the exercise is causing me to feel better or what. Yesterday went fairly well. I did pretty good with my meal plan and did everything else on my list.

Today I have to go see the GI specialist. I have been having some stomach and bowel problems. I sure he is going to want to do a scope. Ugh!

Since I was up most of the night I have already got a lot done. I am really going to have to watch my spending when I in this kind of mood. Alice has really bad allergies right now. I hope that that is all it is and not an infection. It so humid right now that I am just burning up.

Y and I are planing a little trip the second weekend of June,  Today S and I will decide what day we are going to pick up Alice. That is going to be a long trip! Going to be busy the next few weeks, but I am ready for it.



 

New Day

Today is a new day. What am I going to make of it? 

1. I'm going to follow my meal plan today. I can do anything for 24 hours
2. I'm going to talk with my daughter and friends
3. I'm am going to be honest to my heavenly Father. Talk and let Him know how I feel.
4. I'm going to exercise.
5. I'm going to log in my "thankful journal"

Take life one day at a time and live it to it fullest
 

Wonderful Daughter

I am so lucky to have Alice as my daughter.

Click to enlarge picture.

Walls

I find safety in the walls I have built to protect myself.  The problem is the walls keep me from experiencing life. I shut myself away to keep from being harmed, but it limits myself to feeling love. Real love is something that always seems right outside my reach. I desperately need it , but am afraid that I will be hurt. Some people in my life looked beyond my walls of protection and reached inside to love me. The only unconditional love I  believe I have felt was for my children. I have some wonderful friends that except me with all my flaws. yet I fully don't trust that I will not be hurt. Abuse has caused me to build these walls.  Only love can tear them down so I won't be afraid to feel again.

Sunday Sketches

Victorian Lady

This one did not copy well.

Wishing Everybody A Happy  Mother's Day!

Having Trouble Today

I am having emotional trouble today. I can not stop thinking of Chris. I tried reading some blogs and they are about Mother's Day.  This has always been a difficult day for me, but now that I have lost my youngest child it is almost unbearable. My thoughts are dark and scary. I might email my therapist because I don't really trust myself.

I celebrate Alice and my love for her. It is what is keeping me going, She says a card is in the mail and that will mean the world to me. Why does this have to be so hard? Holding on for dear life.

Unexpected Love

I received an unexpected gift today for a young lady from the church. It was angel touching a little boy's head. She said it was angles watching over Chris. Yes I cried. I set the angle by karate pictures of Chris' and  I .

Being a mother is God's greatest gift. My most precious memories are of my children.  I love you Alice and Chris.

Few Good Things.

Today I am thankful that a few good things happened today.

• I got to spend the afternoon with my good friend Y

• I found out I can get 4 of my prescriptions  for free by using the mail order company through my insurance company.

• The house showed today.

My nerves are still shot, but I want to remember to be thankful for the good things each day. I am still very concerned about Alice.  I cried like a baby when the couple that looked at the house ask if my son had gone off to college. I told them that I had lost him very unexpectedly to an illness. I spent the next hour crying and looking at his pictures after they had left.

Friendly Encouragement

I meet a friend yesterday and we had a cup of tea together. It was a nice time to talk, We talked about everything. We hadn't seen each other in a while. It was encouraging and uplifting, We talked about the possibility of me going back to school. Yes at my "old age". So many things are up in the air that I'm not sure. It was an interesting thought. It might give me some understanding in to myself if I took some physiology classes.

Today has been a little rough. I went through some of Chris'  stuff and took another bag to Good Will.  I then went to see him. I still cry like a baby. I needed to do it because if Alice does move back I would need the space. I still am so stressed and depressed. I didn't sleep at all last night which is no good. I guess thing will eventually get better even if the track record is bad.

I'm so thankful for all the encouragement that is given to me by my blogging friends.

Wish I Could Go To Sleep And Never Wake Up

I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I am so tired of all the sadness and stress. I just tired of being so unhappy. I see my therapist today which is probably a good thing. She says she is the eternal optimist and feel things will get better for me. This song keeps running through my head. Hopefully I feel better soon.

Mental Health Awareness Month

 May  is Mental Health Awareness Month 

There a several types of mental illness. I will give a little information about a few of them.

If left untreated, bipolar disorder can be particularly dangerous. From 15 to 17 percent of untreated cases end in suicide (compared to about 10 percent of untreated major depression sufferers).

One of the most challenging mental disorders to identify accurately and treat appropriately is schizoaffective disorder. This condition involves both psychotic symptoms and conspicuous, long-enduring, severe symptoms of mood disorder. The cluster of symptoms experienced by persons with schizoaffective disorder can resemble—at various times in its course—bipolar disorder, major depressive episode with psychotic features, or schizophrenia.

Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by intense fear related to being in situations from which escape might be difficult or embarrassing (i.e., being on a bus or train), or in which help might not be available in the event of a panic attack or panic symptoms. Panic is defined as extreme and unreasonable fear and anxiety.

People with PTSD have persistent frightening thoughts and memories of their ordeal and feel emotionally numb, especially with people they were once close to. They may experience sleep problems, feel detached or numb, or be easily startled. More about Signs & Symptoms »

Depression is a serious biologic disease that affects millions of people each year. The encouraging news is that it may be successfully treated. 

Eating disorders refer to a group of conditions defined by abnormal eating habits that may involve either insufficient or excessive food intake to the detriment of an individual's physical and mental health.

I have just listed illness that have personally effected members of my own family.

No More Than You Can Bear.

The Bible say God won't give you more than you can bear. I am not sure how much more I can take. Alice really needs my help right now and I feel so helpless in what I can do. Money is so tight. I'm begging God to show me what to do. We are on such a short dead line is the major problem.

On top of everything else I got some very concerning health new for myself. I'm trying not to worry or bury my head in the sand, but I am literally stressed out of my mind. I keep trying, but the harder I try the worst things get. Oh God I really need some help from You now. Please please help me.

Long Term Effects Of Childhood Sexual Abuse

May be triggering!

"The effects of child sexual abuse include depression,^[5] post-traumatic stress disorder,^[6] anxiety,^[7] propensity to further victimization in adulthood,^[8] and physical injury to the child, among other problems.^[9] Sexual abuse by a family member is a form of incest, and can result in more serious and long-term psychological trauma, especially in the case of parental incest.[1"

Sometimes I wonder why I can not get over the sexual abuse I experienced as a child. I was molested at home from the ages of 4-16. It still seem to effect my thinking on a daily bases. I was also re-victimized several times  as an adult. I sometimes wonder why I am on this earth. I read blogs of healing but I still seem stuck in the healing process. I still blame myself for what happened.  I constantly think of self harm. Without really trying to change how I think my mind immediately goes to the negative thinking. Above are some links that are helpful understanding myself. Deep down I know I am a good person, but the negative loop in my brain makes me feel useless.

Storm Damage

We have been having a lot of storms with rain, wind, and hail. Unfortunately it has caused some damage to my roof. I had someone out to look at it today and give me a price quote. He says he can fix it tomorrow if it is not raining again. Lucky where the damage is it should not leak per the repair man.I think they are forecasting rain again for tonight and tomorrow. UGH! This is all I needed at this time since I just fixed the brakes on my car.

I can not seem to catch up. Every time I think I'm going to get a chance to catch up there is something else goes wrong. I guess if it weren't for bad luck I have no luck at all. I just want to have a little fun every once and  awhile!

Do We Need An Ark?

It has been raining for days now. I'm beginning to wonder if we need an ark. We are under a flood warning and the streets are covered in standing water. I guess this is a good time to be sick, because there is not much point in trying to get out. I am finally starting to feel a little better. I've been on antibiotics since Friday. I'm still coughing , but no fever. I'm not wheezing as much either. I find that the slightest thing exhausts me, so I'm trying to take it easy. Hopefully this to shall pass.

Sunday Sketches

Thinking Angle Oil

I hope everyone is having a happy Easter. I'm still sick so I'm in for the day. Hopefully this congestion and cough will get better with the antibiotics and steroids. My asthma is also kicking up so I am having to do breathing treatments. I going to have a good day in spite of being sick!

Happy Easter

For me this song bring hope. Happy Easter!

Sick All Week

I can't believe it's Thursday. I have been sick all week and just not getting any better. I finally broke down and made an appointment to see my PCP tomorrow. I know I'll have to fight the insurance company again and I just don't have it in me. All I feel like doing is sleeping and that hard to do because I am so congested. Just letting everyone know I'm still alive. A short a sweet post. I have got to be better by next week. My sister-in-law is having surgery and I need to take her. I exhausted now.

A Friend in Need

One of my friends just found out today her husband has cancer. They know it is on the liver, abdominal wall, and intestines.  They were doing gall bladder surgery when they found it. They believe it started from the pancreas, but will have to do a CAT scan to see what all is involved. The prognosis is poor. My heart is breaking for her.

Another friend just lost her husband to cancer a few months ago.I don't know what to say to my friend. We haven't know each other long, but she is a very kind person.

Every time I hear some bad news like this it takes me back to the night I lost Chris. I don't think anything can prepare you for this. Maybe he will respond to the treatment. I know how much I needed others, but I am still so raw, I'm not sure I could I would be much help. I have lost so much faith in the medical system.  

Sunday Sketches

I have been working on faces recently. I just can't decide what I like to draw most. Anyway it fun to draw and helps me forget my worries for awhile. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Sweet Saturday

Sweet Easter Bunny With Chocolate For All The Good Girls And Boys!

Rain, Hail, And Winds, Oh My!

We just got out of a tornado warning. I believe Oklahoma had 6 reported tornadoes. One flew by closer than I like to think of. We were very lucky. I don't believe they touched down. I just spent an hour in the community center  tornado shelter. It was packed with people from our mobile home park. Places had golf ball sized hail and wind gust up to 60 miles per hour. There is now thunder storms with lightening. The hail would be enough to knock you out. I assume since we were under a tornado warning my grief class was canceled. I miss that class since it only meets once a month. Since things have calmed down I going to try to relax a little before bed time.

Can't Do What I Used To Do

 I was trying to move a small pile of rotting lumber yesterday and I fell. The bad part was I couldn't get up until I crawled to something to grab a hold of to pull myself up. Since I had my knee surgery I have trouble getting off the floor or the ground. I was so embarrassed, but nobody saw me.I keep thinking I can do everything I used to do, but the simple fact is I can not!

I am sore today and really can tell I over did it yesterday. Today I had to pay bills and grocery shop. I really proud of myself because I fixed the broken flapper on the toilet. Yes I am not totally helpless. It was really easy and cheap to fix. Yeah! I need to paint the back porch, but that another day. Not today anyway. :)

I about fell over with shock when I filled my gas tank. Wow the price just keeps going up. My grocery bill was also higher today. Seems the only break I got was the gas bill went down. I know next month the electric will go up because it is getting hot enough to use the air conditioner. I guess I have vented enough. so I close with saying things could always be worst and I am thankful for all the things that I have.

My Nerves Are Shot!

My nerves are totally shot. I am trying to deal with my insurance company about my hospitalization from February and I'm going crazy.  They haven't paid yet and the time for "timely filling" is about up.  They have denied part of the claim for lack of medical records. I called the provider and they needed written proof from the insurance company. I called the insurance company and they said that they will send that information to the provider. I guess I know to much about claims since it was part of my old job. I just feel I'm getting the run around and as much as I'm paying for insurance I shouldn't have to do all of this!

I am really struggling with depression right now. Part of the reason again is the lack of money. I'm having to half my antidepressant until I get paid tomorrow. This was a long month and I ran out of money before the end of the month. Last month I was paid on the 8th and this month the 13th. On top of that I had an unexpected car repair ( Are there any other kind of repairs? lol).

I'm also worried about my friend Y and my daughter Alice. Both have some fairly serious health issue and my daughter is worried about if she is going to have a roof over her head. Of course she is always welcome to come back home, but again the cost is a serious issue. Things have got to get better soon.

Wrong

I've been eating all the wrong food this week, because I am so broke. I have not been able to go to the store to get the fresh vegetables and fruits. I have eaten way too many carbohydrates and the scale is showing it. It's so depressing to be on such a tight income. This makes me so depressed I can not stand it. I still have 3 more days until I get paid.  I hoping I have enough gas to get to my therapist tomorrow and back home. Being on a fixed income sucks big time.  Next week I'll have to hit the veggies hard. Why is healthy food so much more expensive.?  No wonder there is so much obesity among the poor.

My friend Y had to have an echo cardiogram of her heart and it shows regurgitation. She's seeing a cardiologist tomorrow. I hope this can be treated with medicine. I'm worried about her. She's not having any symptoms except she gets tired quickly. I think I'm more anxious than she is.

Sunday Sketches

Pansie 

Colored Pencils

The Light House In The Storm

 Oil

Sweet Saturday

Looks Yummy To Me!

Wish it was calorie free. lol

Government Shut Down

I'm really concerned about the government shut down. I do not believe the ones responsible will be losing any pay. Maybe if it could effect their pocket books they would be a little more ready to make some compromises.This is the last thing our economy  needs right now. We are at a point of recession and this is only going to make things worst. Can we forget party lines and make this work? Come on now. I guess this is the only political post I have ever made, but I am really concerned on what this is going to do to our country.

Feeling Stronger Today

I haven't been feeling well recently, but today I'm feeling a bit better. I have already dusted and  prepared a casserole for dinner . I'm going to run the  vacuum cleaner when I'm finished here and mop the kitchen. I have to be careful that I don't over do it because with the autoimmune disease it can jump up and get you down for days. House work is not my favorite thing to do but is a necessary evil. lol.

Well I finished that and was find until I went into Chris' room. I lost it big time. I miss him so much. I miss his laugh, his beautiful smile, him calling me "Little Mama".I miss it all. I had to fill out some legal papers the other day and the lady behind the desk said "He in a better place now."  I wanted to reach over the desk and chock her!  I believe my baby is in heaven, but I still want him here with me. I know it has been over a year, but the pain is still very intense. I'm not sure time heals all wounds. I love you Chris!

Vulnerable

I hate being so vulnerable. I used to be fairly strong for a women and could handle most things by myself. I was trying to start the lawnmower today and just could not do it. I then hurt myself getting it in and out of the shed that has three steps. I was so frustrated and I just started crying. I called my church to see if she knew of any teenage boys that would mow my lawn at a reasonable rate. It's not very big it would only take about 30 minutes. It gets so expensive when you have to hire everything done and I'm so depressed that I felt so helpless.

I'm really having to fight depression right now. I feel so alone in this world. It's so tempting to just give up, but I have always been such a fighter. I can not give into these feeling of hopelessness. What is wrong with me? Physically I know I'm not healthy, but I really hate this. I really hate this!

The Lost Child

The Lost Child

Cold chills run down my spine

The sensation is hiding the pain

The child wants to play

Time is long since past that day

Tears roll down the frozen face

Wanting warmth, hope,and faith

Longing  for something to hold on to

Yet only emptiness awaits

Hope is just a word

No depth, no meaning, no soul

Grasping for a single tread

Something to fill the void

I want the child to live again

To feel,to laugh,to smile,to love

I try to reach deep inside

Once again to hope for a better tomorrow

Wanda Arthington

Great Trip

I had a great trip. It was only a 2.5 hour trip, but the above sign was sometimes how I felt. lol Over all it was very relaxing. Only regret is cost too much money. Gas is so expensive. The wedding was beautiful. It is so much fun to see the look of the bride and groom and the love they are feeling for each other. Ah Young love!

Eat too much, but I guess that can be expected. At least I didn't gain any weight. I will try to catch up on my blog  reading soon, but now I'm exhausted from the drive.