Thursday, January 18, 2007
Seems like being snow in gives me too much time to think. I am interested in knowing what others think about PTSD. I have been given so many different diagnosis, but this is one that has been there since I was a teenager. I am also told I'm bi-polar and that was first diagnosis when I was in my early twenties. One thearpist told me she believed I had MPD due to the violence in my childhood. I have tried to just cope, but it seems the more pressure I'm under the more problems I have. I currently am not seeing a thearpist just my doctor. I have never found a thearpist that I can open up to. I think my doctor is great, but he is currently treating me for PTSD and bi-polar disorder. I've been under a lot of stress and that seem to be causing me to have more lost pieces of time, that I can not remember what I have done. The stress also seems to becausing me to have more nightmares and "flash backs". Is this command with the PTSD? I have never stayed with a thearpist very long, because it seemed the past was just too painful to deal with. I keep thinking that by this time in my life the childhood abuse issues should be over, but it never seem to go away. I don't know why I find it so hard to talk with anyone about the past, but its like if I don't deal with it then it didn't happen. Is it possible to get over PTSD without dealing with what happened? How long can what happened in childhood effect ones daily life? Maybe now would be the best time to try to deal with this since I'm on disability. I just don't know how to find someone that you can be comfortable talking to. My pastor was the best person I ever talked with now he is gone. Maybe that why I 'm having more problems again. I can not stop thinking about harming myself. I know that is wrong, but the feeling are so strong. I keep hiding from my friends and I am isolating more and more. I know I am rambling on and on, but I need to get out these feelings. Has anyone else been there and what did you do to get better. I'm feeling hopeless right now.