Friday, September 27, 2013

Pain And Guilt

.The last 3 and half years I have been eaten up with pain and guilt. Today is a real bad day. I feel I should have been able to do SOMETHING to have prevented Chris death. Maybe it was a mistake letting him be put on a ventilator. Would his body fought the infection more? I love him so much. Did I do all I could? I j ust want to hold him in my arms and tell him how much I love him.. DEATH SUCKS1

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Looking For Energy

I was hoping losing some weight would give me more energy but so far not so. I guess the lupus is just not that well controlled right now. I have been working on reorganizing my kitchen cabinets but can only do a small amount of time because it causes of so much pain in my arms and shoulders. I'm am so short I have to reach for everything!

I saw my psychiatrist today and he said managing my bipolar disorder was like trying to balance a large ball on a thin wire. We both laughed and I told him I was sorry I was such a pain. He reassured me that I was not the problem that my illness was.

Only 2 weeks until my knee surgery. It would be nice to loose a couple more pounds but I am really stuck. I am trying to eat healthy and not some crazy crash diet this time. I know I have lost 1000 lbs in my life!  It was nice to hear from everyone. Take care. 

Monday, September 16, 2013

Been A Long Time

It's been a long time since I have blogged. In fact it has been so long I didn't think I was going to get the account opened!

This has been a summer of health problems. I had several dental issues that were quite expensive. Things are improving in that area now.  About 2 months ago my heart went into an irregular rhythm. I have been seeing a cardiologist who has got things back to normal. I was in a auto accident in April that did significant damage to my left knee. I had not been able to get the knee repair because of the dental and heart issues. Today I have finally got dental and cardiac clearance! Surgery is now scheduled for Oct 3rd. I have been under so much stress they have also been having a hard time with my bipolar disorder. What a roller coaster!

It is amazing how a few minutes can really change so many things in your life. We were hit by an uninsured motorist. It totaled the car and I only had liability insurance on the car. Needless to say the car had to be replaced. Now I have a car payment. Ugh. Medical bills, oh my. I still feel blessed because things could have been much worst.

I have lost 30 lbs which is a good thing. Will talk again soon.