Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Vulnerable



I hate being so vulnerable. I used to be fairly strong for a women and could handle most things by myself. I was trying to start the lawnmower today and just could not do it. I then hurt myself getting it in and out of the shed that has three steps. I was so frustrated and I just started crying. I called my church to see if she knew of any teenage boys that would mow my lawn at a reasonable rate. It's not very big it would only take about 30 minutes. It gets so expensive when you have to hire everything done and I'm so depressed that I felt so helpless.



I'm really having to fight depression right now. I feel so alone in this world. It's so tempting to just give up, but I have always been such a fighter. I can not give into these feeling of hopelessness. What is wrong with me? Physically I know I'm not healthy, but I really hate this. I really hate this!


7 comments:

Just me said...

There's got to be someone at your church who would mow your lawn without payment?

Huuuuge hugs, Wanda! I'm so sorry you're feeling so helpless. Know that I'm praying for you tonight. Don't give in xxx

Tracy said...

Wanda, thank you so much for your honesty on my blog about your dad. Yeah, my step father sexually abused me from the time I was 8 until after I left for college. It is a very difficult thing to deal with...on the flip side, it is what made me who I am today and I really like myself so how can I dispute that?
Please take good care of yourself...it doesn't always feel as bad as you feel now. I can attest to that!

sarah said...

(((Wanda))))

Bobbi said...

Keep looking up! He who made the promise is faithful!!

NOS said...

I think your idea of calling the church and seeing if any teenage boy could mow your lawn is a fantastic idea. That is NOT helpless. That is WISE. That is taking control of your life. I'm proud!

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low right now. I know I'm not with you "in real life," but please know that you are not alone in your feelings-- I'm there too. Keep fighting. I'm told that it's worth it.

(((Wanda)))

Wishing you well,
NOS

Faycin A Croud said...

I've been feeling very vulnerable lately too and kind of having to withdraw from the mean world of blogging. I hate those damn pull chain lawn mowers. I have tendinitis and they give me no small amount of woe.
Don't disqualify your strengths by saying "strong for a woman" though. We women need to realize our equal worth. Some people are physically stronger in certain ways than others. I have a very strong lower body but my upper body is less so.

63mago said...

Hello Wanda, I think there is nothing wrong with you. You had some operations and had to face a lot of stress. The vulnerability was always there, it does not need much. You simply are more aware of it. Relax and do not try too much at once. Easy. Things will work. And do not question yourself, you are remarkably strong.