I have really been fighting my mood swings. I was hoping things would settle down. It has just gone on too long. There have been days I could not even get out of bed follow by the uncontrollable urge to spend money and binge eat. It has been going on about two weeks now and I haven't been able to afford seeing my therapist or psychiatric. As soon as the office opens I am going to make the call. I think my medicine may need to be tweaked just a little bit. Just holding on doesn't seem to be working!
Well the doctor returned my call and wants to see me tomorrow.
Some times I wonder if I would had been "normal" if I had not been sexually abused. Would I still have the wide mood swings? Have I been misdiagnosis? I wonder what would be different today. I will be forever grateful that I found a wonder friend and pastor that still cares about me today. I not sure I would have been as tolerate of others if I had not suffered so. I guess good can from bad if we let it.
Since Chris' death I have really struggled with why God did NOT answer my prayers to heal him. Do I still believe in God? Yes. I just have a very hard time asking God for anything. I know this is wrong, but I figure I can't be disappointed if I just don't ask. I have found that I am very much like that in so many ways. I believe I have lost hope for a better tomorrow.
I keep working on bettering myself and helping others. That is one thing I can do. I can love others and help the misunderstood. That I can do and will continue to do,