Wednesday, July 06, 2011

I Think It's Time To Call The Doctor


I have really been fighting my mood swings. I was hoping things would settle down. It has just gone on too long. There have been days I could not even get out of bed follow by the uncontrollable urge to spend money and binge eat. It has been going on about two weeks now and I haven't been able to afford seeing my therapist or psychiatric. As soon as the office opens I am going to make the call. I think my medicine may need to be tweaked just a little bit. Just holding on doesn't seem to be working!

 Well the doctor returned my call and wants to see me tomorrow.

 Some times I wonder if I would had been "normal" if I had not been sexually abused. Would I still have the wide mood swings? Have I been misdiagnosis?  I wonder what would be different today. I will be forever grateful that I found a wonder friend and pastor that still cares about me today. I not sure I would have been as tolerate of others if I had not suffered so. I guess good can from bad if we let it.

Since Chris' death I have really struggled with why God did NOT answer my prayers to heal him. Do I still believe in God? Yes. I just have a very hard time asking God for anything. I know this is wrong, but I figure I can't be disappointed if I just don't ask. I have found that I am very much like that in so many ways. I believe I have lost hope for a better tomorrow.

I keep working on bettering myself and helping others. That is one thing I can do. I can love others and help the misunderstood. That I can do and will continue to do,

  

10 comments:

RCUBEs said...

Fight sister! Fight! With His power and might. God bless you and keep you.

Just Be Real said...

((((Wanda))))

NOS said...

I'm glad you made that call to your doctor. It sounds like what you are going through right now is really uncomfortable. I've been having mood dips (I can't call them swings because I am never "up") recently, and it's so disturbing.

Also, I think spirituality is a tricky topic for everyone, but I think it might be even trickier for the sick. I think your struggles with your own spirituality is understandable, especially given what you have gone through. It's a tough issues. I wish I had answers.

Hang on until tomorrow. Hopefully a positive change will be made.

Wishing you well,
NOS

Tracy said...

Wanda,
What I do know is that God DOES answer our prayers just not in the way WE always want at times. I did have the same arguments with God because of the abuse I endured and all the hellacious things that happened on top of the sexual abuse. I wondered why when I attempted suicide why I lived but finally realized that I obviously was suppose to live-He had another plan for me and I'm certain He does for you as well.
Keep fighting and keep yourself surrounded with those people who love you!

Chatty Crone said...

I hope you called the doctor and got in.

Those kinds of questions I don't know the answers to. Just don't give up.

Have you read Heaven Is For Real - small book - easy read - about a child who spent three minutes in Heaven.

Jesse said...

Hi Wanda,

You have been helping me for a long time whether you realize it or not, and you can discuss this with your DOC. But you have.

thank you for always being there for me, I know that I will always be there for you...

love,

Jesse

Being Me said...

Call the doctor, and call God too.
He answers, he does. Sometimes we just don't see or hear.
Follow your instincts, forget your weakness.
Praying for your strength.

B
http://mothersalways.blogspot.com/2011/07/thoughts-on-suffering-getting-pass.html

Wanda's Wings said...

Thanks everybody for your support, suggestions, and kind words.

middle child said...

Just a reminder that God always answears prayers. Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. And other times he gives you what you didn't even know you needed. God will never leave you.

Chatty Crone said...

You are right - a lot of gold is needed!

Hope you are feeling better.