Things are never the same after you lose a child. Everything that was theirs now has a special meaning. You find yourself just setting in their rooms with a hurt that is so unbelievable. You hold thing and sniff them in hopes to make them feel closer.
I'm seeing an orthopedic surgeon tomorrow.I'm hoping he will do the surgery so I'll be in rehab on Thanksgiving. I have had offers to go places, but my heart is just not in it. Even after the divorce I always made a big to do over the holidays. I wanted my children to have those memories to last them a life time. With my daughter half way across country and my son gone I know it's going to be rough this year.
Everyday things have changed. I used to enjoy cooking. I never cook now. I frequently forget to eat. It like it almost makes me choke to swallow food. I'm at a decent weight now, but have been warned I shouldn't lose more. My blood work shows signs of starvation. Funny now I just want to be skinny.
I hold on to the belief that God cares for me, even if I don't understand why my life has been so difficult. It may sound like I'm complaining, but this is a safe place to let go of some of the pain.