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Saturday, November 06, 2010
I Am Really Down Today
Coming off my mania and all the bad news I got yesterday has really effected my depression. I don't know if others become as afraid of there own self like I do or not. I literally don't trust myself when I'm this depressed. The desire to hurt myself are over whelming. I'm trying to control my dark thoughts, but they seem to be controling me. I feel I should be able to do a better job than I'm doing. I know most people don't think of cutting themself with razor blade, yet that is the least harmful thing that is pounding in my brain. Some of you might be thinking,"Well you say you love Jesus". I do. I believe God can heal,but He does not alway chose to. I know some of you think I'm just lacking faith. I truely don't believe that.
For this moment the above picture shows when I'm going to give up. I am determined not to let this illness kill me!