I woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and trembling all over. I put on some music to relax myself and all it did was make me cry and feel so much alone. The support group I'm going to, say that just thinking about the upcoming Holidays, Birthdays and Date of Death is sometimes harder then the day itself.. I really hope so. If Alice can come for Christmas we will have a great time. I wasn't going to put up a tree or anything, but if she is coming I'm going to put up a small tree.
Later today I'm talking to my orthopedic surgeon. about getting my right knee replacement done before the end of the year, because My insurance is going to be a lot worst after the first of the year. I'm hoping it will cover a rehab center for a week,since I live alone. It would be a great way to spend Thanksgiving day.
I also see my therapist after my orthopedic appointment. Sometimes I think we are just beating a dead horse there. She told me I needed to "forgive" my ex husband. I just don't think about him unless he is brought up in therapy. After what Alice told me what he had done to her,I just glad I'm not in prison. I was an idiot for letting him abuse me, but no one hurts my babies!