Sunday, March 14, 2010

6 Weeks

It's been 6 weeks now since I lost my son and I still cry every night. I been told that's too long. Others have told me it can take much longer. I don't know. It still seems like he just going to walk through that door again. That is never going to happen. It seems like I been through enough in my life that this just shouldn't of happened. I know bad things happen to good people. I know God still loves me. My heart is still so broken. I know you must be tired of hearing this,but it is the only thing on my mind now days. I try to do something everyday, even if it is wrong. :) Blogging helps because I know I have friends out there.


Cheesemeister said...

How dare anybody tell you that's too long? I'd like to slap them upside the head. The only thing that makes sense that I've heard from people who have lost a loved one is that you never get over it. Eventually you get used to it and can go on with things without breaking down all the time, but one never forgets or stops mourning someone they loved so much. Don't let anybody tell you when you "should" stop grieving or how you "should" feel.
I'm certainly not trying to compare a loss like yours to the loss of a pet, there is no comparison, yours is by far the greater. But even pets that I have lost, I still think of them almost every day. Sometimes the grief is stronger than others. Also my grandparents and my cousin.
Sending you loving thoughts.

Catherine said...

Dear Wanda,

I don't think there is any "right amount" of time to grieve. Everyone is different, everyone goes through a different process when faced with such tragedy. I can't imagine what you are going through but want you to know I am here for you and not at all tired of hearing about what you are going through.

Lots of love, Catherine

Andrea said...

We are not tired of hearing it...we are here praying for you!

Grace said...

I agree w/the not let anyone dictate how you should feel. You cry whenever you need to and for as long as you need too.
Keep reaching out, if you can, to connect with your bloggy-friends who care deeply for you.
Sending you peace tonight ~ Grace

Ethereal Highway said...

Yes, you DO have friends out here. And no one gets to tell you how to grieve. It took me much longer than six weeks to pull it together when my son went to prison and that is not even the same type of thing. If a loss much lesser than death can take long... then?... I hope you know what I mean. No one gets to tell you how to feel.

Paula said...

Dear One, I doubt that there is a a rigt amount of grief. What however I do can imagine that this grief may has a profound impact on your situation in general, with all the issues you have do deal with anyway. For myself I can understand your grief. Knowing myself and how easily I get lost in pain and grief I wuld attend beravement sessions or a group asap. You will be ehard here as long as needed. Safe hug.

IK said...

You will stop crying when you feel like it, not a moment sooner. I'll never tire of you writing about this! This is your safe place to write about whatever you want. I am glad you feel that you can write about it here. Many people in in the blog world do care a lot and it's good to see you update.

Take care dear! *hugs* <3

Dreaming again said...

Please don't let anyone tell you it's too long. However long it takes you is how long it takes you!

6 weeks? geesh! They give anti depressants longer than that to work on someone starting or changing ...they expect your brain to be better?

Only here, it's not just brain chemistry's brain chemistry (that has had a terrible shock to it!) it's emotions, it's expectations .. it's everything all balled up ...

and honestly, you will always miss him Wanda ... and to realize that, has a certain freedom. It's ok to grieve.
Geesh, in earlier times we were 'given' a YEAR to process the death of a loved one.
We were protected, loved, cared for and expected to mourn ...

It was just a few weeks after my dad died that someone told me "get over it already"

and you know what that did to me.
With Jessica, I was told it was 'just a miscarriage' (no, stillbirth is not a misscarriage, not that that comment would have been more acceptable if it had been!!!)

People have no right to tell you that you should be done mourning ...nor that you should be done crying ... and on the flip side, they have no right to question you if you're not mourning ...

it seems, we can never do it right for other people ..and I guess that's human nature.

So we have to do it right for us.

Anonymous said...

I don't think there's a set timeline for grieving-- it's an extremely personal experience. I wish I could tell you why bad things happen to good people, but alas I have no answer. Keep on doing something each day no matter how hard it is. I think that will help immensely even if not immediately. And you're right-- you do have friends out here in the blogosphere! We genuinely care.

Wishing you well,

sarah said...

I think grieving take about two's a process to work through. Elizabelth Kubler Ross wrote great stuff on loss and I want to tell you Wanda...just be gentle wit you and I for one don't mind you talking about this as offen as you need. Praying for you. Sarah

Wendy Love said...

Whoever told you that six weeks was too long to still be crying every night was wrong. I still grieve over a divorce that took place fifteen years ago. It was a death of a marriage and my marriage was my life and something I held sacred. You will always grieve over your son, but especially now when it is so recent and so raw. When I experienced my first death of a loved one my doctor told me that you never get over it, you just eventually get used to it. Crying is good for healing. Let the tears fall!
Wendy Love

rcubes said...

Sister, there is no proper way to grieve, no amount of time. I'm just praying that the Lord's comfort and healing will continue to wrap around you. Take good care of yourself. God bless you.

Wonderingsoul said...

Dearest Wanda,

I wish that I hadsome words to somehow touch the terrible grief that you are feeling.. or to somehow make it easier to carry or less agonising... but I haven't and I don't think the words exist.
If I could though, I would do anything.

Like others here, I too feel angry at the suggestion that six weeks is too long to cry every night.
You had your son for YEARS... and you're meant to confine your tears for weeks???
I fin it hard to believe that anyone would be that insensitive.

Wanda,just as people have already written, there IS no "right time or right amount".
Grief isn't a conscious decision that we can make into some time oriented goal - unfortunately. It's a process and processes last forever sometimes.

I promise you that the agony will lose the horrific raw edge that it has right now... or has had.
I promise that you will find ways to live again and to feel peace and some joy again. But its not likely that you will be feeling these six weeks after such a huge and shocking loss.

Please keep writing Wanda.
If it helps, just do it.
Don't worry about others. Don't worry about how it reads or how it sounds or what anyone will think.
Just write.
It's your right and it's your outlet.

It's not boring. I'm not tired of hearing it. you can say it over and over and over and it will still be heard.
You won't desensitise anyone to your pain.
I feel it and I am thinkingof you even if I don't always manage to find words to reply.

Much love


Just Be Real/God Whispers In The Wind said...

Wanda, you are such an encourager even in your own pain. ((((Wanda))))

Laura said...

I was told when my baby died that the grief process can take from 6 months to 2 years. How dare anyone say that 6 weeks is too long. Are they insane? It's been 18 years since my son died and I still carry pain. Time just allows a person to cope better. Much love being sent your way.

Steve E said...

This just tears me up! Dear, you take as long as it takes for you to not "get over it" but to one day begin to live again, yet live with the memories imbedded in your heart.

PEACE TO YOU, no matter how long it takes!

Thanks for your visit to steveroni, and the kind words written there.