Friday, November 12, 2010
I went to my first "Compassionate Friends" group tonight and I have finally found a group of people who knew where I'm coming from. This is a group of people that have lost a child or grandchild of any age. Needless to say many of the stories ripped my heart out. There were people at the group that had lost there child anywhere from 4 months to 20 + years. I asked a question stating "I say I believe in God,' but could not understand why as I prayed for Chris' life he was taken from me anyway. I expressed that I was angry that God did not answer my prayers, when I know He has answered others. I was definitely not the only one that struggled with this.Some people said it may take years to reconcile the issue, but God would be patient and not angry at me. This did not mean my faith wasn't great enough and it wasn't because of me that Chris had died. They reassured me that I was still very early in my recover and I was not strange because I would sometimes get lost in my own city. They talked about how losing a child is different than any other type of loss you can have. I could see how hard on myself I have been. This healing is a slow process and you will NEVER be the same again. I found comfort in knowing that I'm not just some "nut job".
Next month they are going to have a candle light service for the children. They will show a slide show of all the children that have been loss and we can invite a friend. I will see if my sister in law will come to help me honor my beloved Chris. I am very glad I found this group. It is a national group and I highly recommend it to anyone that has lost a child.
PS. I thought this post was lost, because it was what I was working on when my computer bit the dust.