Friday, June 02, 2006
Some things happen in each of our lives that will change us forever. Child molestation and child abuse are only two of these event, but they are the two issues I want to write about tonight. It can change the face of a child for a long time. I looked for a photo of me smiling after the abuse started and I couldn't find a single one, until after my step-dad left.
Many studies have been done that state children that were molested are much more likely to molest as an adult or become a "victim" of other abusive relationships.
The mind of a child is a very wonderful thing. It protects the child. It allows the child to "lock" the information away that is too painful to process at a young age. At 18 years old , after 14 years of abuse, I had a "nervous break down". I hit the delete button and erased my past. I really did not remember anything!
You would think that would have solved the problems, but it did not. I followed the predicted path and married an abusive man. It just seemed "normal" even with no real memories of my past. I found later in my life that my "X" was also molested as a child and become a child molester himself.
After the birth of my first child, I started having nightmares and flash backs. I would end up places without knowing how I got there. My file cabinet that had been so tightly locked, began spitting out these hidden images. I believed these where "just dreams" and could "get on with my life". Then my 2nd child was born. This time things were terrible. I ended up being admitted to a mental hospital for several days.
From the hospital I called both a brother and my sister. They both confrimed these things did happen. One said "That was a long time ago. What difference does it make now? My dad was a jerk and I pissed on his grave." My sister was so shocked that I did not remember anything. She too had been molested, but stated Grandma "stopped him from hurting her anymore." (She also had her demons to fight with this issue.)
I have been in and out of thearpy several times. I'm better than I ever been in my life. I have a great support system of friends and my church. God is healing the wounds. I would encourage anyone to continue with what ever it takes to heal. It is well worth it. Never give up. As each of us grow stronger we will continue to help others along their journeys too. That is what life is all about, helping others.