Monday, September 27, 2010

Maybe I'm Not That Bad


I beginning to believe (just a little bit) maybe who I am is not all that bad. I have always had so much self hatred. I was never good enough. I was too fat, too ugly, not smart enough, and not worth loving. I still struggle with these lies. These are messages from my past. It takes a long time to "unlearn" these messages. The voices can some times be so loud I want to hurt myself or just end it all. The real trick is to hold on, one day at at a time until I can learn the truth. I want to believe someday I will no longer be uncomfortable with who I am. Healing can be slow, but I do believe it is worth the work. I know there are some things that will never change. I will always be bipolar and may be always struggle with food issues. I will try each day to think something positive about myself. It is a path to healing that I must choose.

6 comments:

NOS said...

I'm so happy to hear that some of the self-hatred is lifting. You ARE good. You ARE beautiful. I know that it might be hard to hear it from someone else, but it's true.

I agree--healing is worth the work. You are getting there!

Wishing you well,
NOS

Prayer Girl said...

We are all flawed in one way or another, but we are all beloved children of a loving God. He wishes for us to love ourselves as He loves us.

I am so happy to hear you are beginning to make progress. It is a one-day-at-a-time process. We may slip back from time to time, but we must pick ourselves up and keep moving forward.

Prayers to you.
PG

IK said...

Your positive post makes me smile. Thank you for sharing your progress! Take care! *hugs* <3

Denise said...

You are a wonderful daughter of the King, that makes you a beautiful princess.

MOLLYE said...

Hi Sweetpea... Have you ever gone to an Alanon meeting? Would you do yourself a huge favor and go for me? For yourself? For your precious Chris? For my son Jake? There is so much healing power there for anyone with self esteem issues and especially since you are a member of the most dreaded club in the world...that of a mother who has lost a child. A friend of mine encouraged me to go with her and got me a book and I can't tell you how it has helped me with my personal issues. And I thank you so much for your sweet comments. Love you, Mollye

Diana said...

I ditto what Denise and Mollye said! You ARE a precious one in HIS sight.