Monday, September 20, 2010
I really don't know what I'm feeling right now. Anxiety, confusion, and very unsure of myself. I see my new psychiatrist in about 2 hours and I'm not looking forward to that at all. I am really tired of being so messed up and just don't want to go through the whole thing again with another person. The depression has been bad. I try to act like I'm OK, because I think that is what is "expected" of me. Be strong. Be brave. I wonder if I'm getting better. I feel like I'm in a fog. I'm just stumbling through life right now. Maybe this guy will be OK. I have a hard time talking with men, so that's increaseing my anxiety. I'm letting him know up front I will never have ECT again, no matter how bad the depression is. I have to go to the eye doctor after the appointment to get the surgery time for tomorrow and my eye marked. Thank you all for being here with me. You have really help me and I do so appreciate it.