Monday, September 06, 2010
It Night Time Again.
It is night time again and I'm wide awake. I guess the truth is I'm afraid of night time. Most of the bad things that ever happen to me happened at night, or at least before the dawn of morning. My friend says having a gun at her bedside makes her feel safe. Can't you just see that? A severely depressed bipolar with a gun. I won't even keep sharp objects in my house because I do not trust myself. I long to feel safe, but have yet to find a way to do this. You see Chris even died before dawn. I hate night. That is when all the abuse took place. At least that is what I remember. The words of a song that was going through my head was "Count your blessing inside of sheep". I try so hard,yet I feel like such a failure. I wish I could just relax and sleep at night, Fear and anxiety are terrible things. The drugs they have given me in the past only make me sleepy the next day and I still have trouble at night. I will mess around on my computer a bit longer then try again to go to sleep.