Father's Day is one day that has been blotted off my "celebration list" for a very long time. I guess I'm writting because I know there are other people out there that feel the same way I do. Someone that was abused as a child can have difficulty with any Holiday. A Holiday the "honors" one of your abuser can be almost too much for the mind to handle. I also did a poor job picking a faher for my children. Therefore I do not have any good memories associated with the word "Father".
Today was the first Father's Day I have been to church in many of years. I thought I would be alright since I do have a wonderful heavenly Father. I didn't do as well as I had hoped. We saw two "mini" videos: "What My Father Taught Me" and "Things My Father Used To Tell Me". I cried through the entire video's. I finally got up a left the santuray because I was afraid my crying would disturb someone.
As I listen to the videos, I looked back and remember what an abuser teaches a child. As a child I very clearly heard some things that have taken my a life time of work to "unlearn". Below I have listed some of the messages an abused child is taught.
- I am not important, I have no rights.
- Saying "no" only causes additional pain.
- I have no boundaries of my own.
- I am here to be used by others.
- I not worth anything.
- I must be a terrible person and deserve what ever I get.
- God must feel the same way about me, since he is a heavenly "Father".
All of the above beliefs are not true. These messages can be rewritten, by knowing what God says about each of us. It takes time and a lot of work to learn who you were intended to be. Change can and does happen. It happen by individuals taking a stand against abuse. Abuse hurts, and we must each do what we can to stop it.
5 comments:
I am so very glad that you are learning those things aren't true at all. You are special and worth a great deal. I feel lucky to be friends with you!!!
Thanks wolbaby- I also am glad to be your friend.
Well I had something to say but wolfbaby already said it, so I'll just say "ditto" (((Wanda)))
a father is so many things and so many things they arent. In many cases fathers are wonderful and in many they arent, i still struggle with the whole lets celebrate this because, sometimes because is a load of commercialism filled int to make people spend money, just the damage one day can do, can cause a ripple effect for a long time to come.
Thanks for sharing how you feel about this day and know it is never wrong to say those words or feel those feelings or think those thoughts whatver they are because if it hurts you it matters ok.
Thank you for sharing how you feel. You deserved better. You are learning though that you are not the things your father taught you. You are a wonderful woman, and deserved so much more!
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