Father's Day is one day that has been blotted off my "celebration list" for a very long time. I guess I'm writting because I know there are other people out there that feel the same way I do. Someone that was abused as a child can have difficulty with any Holiday. A Holiday the "honors" one of your abuser can be almost too much for the mind to handle. I also did a poor job picking a faher for my children. Therefore I do not have any good memories associated with the word "Father".
Today was the first Father's Day I have been to church in many of years. I thought I would be alright since I do have a wonderful heavenly Father. I didn't do as well as I had hoped. We saw two "mini" videos: "What My Father Taught Me" and "Things My Father Used To Tell Me". I cried through the entire video's. I finally got up a left the santuray because I was afraid my crying would disturb someone.
As I listen to the videos, I looked back and remember what an abuser teaches a child. As a child I very clearly heard some things that have taken my a life time of work to "unlearn". Below I have listed some of the messages an abused child is taught.
- I am not important, I have no rights.
- Saying "no" only causes additional pain.
- I have no boundaries of my own.
- I am here to be used by others.
- I not worth anything.
- I must be a terrible person and deserve what ever I get.
- God must feel the same way about me, since he is a heavenly "Father".
All of the above beliefs are not true. These messages can be rewritten, by knowing what God says about each of us. It takes time and a lot of work to learn who you were intended to be. Change can and does happen. It happen by individuals taking a stand against abuse. Abuse hurts, and we must each do what we can to stop it.