Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Being in control has always been an issue for me every since I became an adult. Control was a way for me to show, that "I was OK" and could do anything that needed to be done. Work was where I would "shine". I was a company's dream. The classic workaholic! I had to be the best, the most dependable, and the hardest worker. The last several days or weeks, I have realized that I can not be in control of everything. My health has taken a downward spin. Being a workaholic was most likely the biggest trigger.
My stress level is off the charts and this has really impacted my health. I had my "life" all planned out. I knew I would work "x" many more years and have "y" number of dollars saved for retirement. Well that's all out the window. Now tell me why, when I feel like "****" does my mind think this would be a wonderful time for me to start remembering more about my "wonderful childhood." Thank you very much, I was quite content with things the way they were. I just want all the voices in my head to shut up and give me time to figure out this stuff. Now tha I've spilled my guts, I'll cry some more and forget this stuff for a little while.