Saturday, October 02, 2010

I've Been Going 90 Miles Per Hour.


I have been going 90 miles per hour. My mind is really racing and I'm not sure it's going in the right direction. I way over did it yesterday physically and am really paying for it today.When I get this way I either go into a super cleaning mode or a super spending mode. Since there was no money to spend I over worked yesterday.I am in so much pain today I don't know which end is up. I should have known better, because I know my lab levels are really screwed up. My daughter assured me everything is OK with her boyfriend. I am glad for that. She is still feeling physical ill however. I encouraged her to seek medical help. I know I have been over cautious since the death of my son. He started out with a simple cough and ended up dying from pneumonia. I know I worry far too much, but so many bad things have happen I'm just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am suppose to go with my ex- sister -in- law to a gospel musical and out to dinner tonight. I'm a little worried about going out to eat. I really hate eating in front of people and am concerned that I have gained 2 lbs.. I think the antidepressant they have me on is making me a little manic and has increased my appetite.I'll be sure to bring this up in our next session on Monday. Being a rapid cycling manic depressive makes it hard to control my medicine. I also think the medication I take for the auto immune disease interacts with my bipolar medications. I got a letter the other day form Blue Cross Blue Shield that they are dropping out of the Medicare Advantage Plan. I've talked with Medicare and they are not sure how many Advantage plans there are going to be. For the disabled this is really going to put a finical hardship on people. I was wondering if anyone else has hear anything about this. I just want to say how thankful I am for all the people in blog land that continue to give me support. You mean the world to me and I care for each and everyone of you.

5 comments:

Denise said...

Much love and many prayers to you.

NOS said...

I'm glad to hear your daughter's relationship with her boyfriend is okay. And I hope she feels better soon. She and you have been in my thoughts.

I've never been manic, but I know how uncomfortable it can be (one of my best/only friends ES has severe rapid cycling Bipolar I disorder and I have seen her manic). I'm glad you have an appointment with your doctor tomorrow-- hopefully that can get straightened out ASAP.

Wishing you well,
NOS

Tracy said...

Wanda I hope you enjoy the night out with your sister in law. I relate with the not liking to eat in front of others. I am very aware of that myself. I also am always stressing about my weight gain. I have to remember that God is always with me, and is aware of every single thought i have..... It is a comfort really because i then give those thoughts to him, and ask him to calm my nervousness, and help me be less anxious.
Know you are in my prayers and my thoughts.

Tracy

Just Be Real said...

((((Wanda))))

Gaia said...

That is the trouble with drugs, they always have some form of side effects. My friend took medication for hormonal imbalance and turned out to be the most nasty person ever. Wish you could wean yourself and be less dependent on the drugs. Take care.