Monday, October 18, 2010

It's Been A Rough Day Already

I got up early for a 8AM psychiatrist appointment. He really wants me to go to a day treatment program, but I've got so many other doctors appointments I just can't do it right now. He started me on Abilify today along with my other medicines. He wants me to get several labs checked, so I guess I'll do that Wednesday morning. I packed up Chris's PC to send to his Sister today. She has been having a lot of computer problems. I had a real difficult time being in Chris' room and packing the most treasured item that he owned. I know he would want Alice to have it, but it was very painful for me to do. I miss seeing him at that computer. He did reviews for Nivida, tested soft ware,and enjoyed on line gaming so much. I don't know if this pain is ever going to stop. I miss him so much! I still cry several times a week and he has been gone for over 8 months now. He always called me "little mama". I'll never forget one of the last thing he said to me,"Thank you little mama for always being here for me." When he said that I had no idea he was going to die, but I know how much he loved me from those words. My only advise to parents is love your children everyday for they are a gift from God and you never know when they will be gone.


IK said...

Oh Wanda, that pain may never stop. I just lost my dad recently and I got a pamphlet about grief. It said that the hurt may always be there but it will just be triggered less. I'm so glad that your son had such a loving mother!

Take care! *hugs* <3

Angela said...

I'm sorry that you are still hurting so much, and that you're having a bad day. I hope that things will get better for you soon. I take Abilify, and it has really helped me. Sending {{{HUGS}}}}

Blooming Psycho said...

What IK said is true. Anyone who thinks people "get over it" is either a callous ass or just a plain ass. One of my friends from high school drowned when she was just 22. She was working as a park ranger. 6 months after her death, her mother said the pain was worse than ever. Her parents and my parents still live in the same town and see each other some times. At this point the parents are resigned to the loss and they are able to feel joy in their son's accomplishments and not always be crying, but the sense of loss and emptiness is there in the background always.
There are some things I will never understand. That a good person like you must have such a deep sorrow is one of those things.

Catherine said...

I'm so sorry today was difficult for you. Abilify totally changed my life, so I hope it works for you too.

Lots of love,


Denise said...

Grief is a process sis, you must go through it, to get over it. You are in my heart, and in my prayers. I love you.

Clueless said...


The first year is the most difficult, but the other years are also full of grief. However, it is not as painful and IK is right triggers will lessen.


Prayer Girl said...

G-Man said about the same thing - hug your children today. You're so right, Wanda.


Sophia said...

Hang in there Wanda. I have some terribly tough days as well, but I'm pushing through. Let's push together, beautiful girl. OK? :)