Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Too Far To Go Back.

As I look back over the last several months I have "felt" more than I have since I was about 12 years old. I learned a very young age that "shuting down" was far less painful. The bad thing I found is that you can't pick and chose what you want to turn off when it comes to your emotions. Both the good and the bad are equally tightly "stuffed" inside. It funny how releasing some of bad had made it possible for me to have a whole range of emotions. I spent several of the hardest months ever looking at why I was the way I am. I used to hate for anyone to touch me. Now I loved to be hugged. I laugh more, maybe cry more, and I sure do feel more. I see more hurts and pains in others and I want to help them not hurt as much.

I thank God each day that He is patient with me. I have friends that care about me. A pastor that thinks there is hope for me. One doctor that thinks he can regulate my mood swings. ( the vote is still out on that one). All in all- I'm not there, but it getting there.

4 comments:

Dreaming again said...

Hey ...some of it's awfully fun in the meantime ... Talula!
;) (just what you needed, another nickname!)

Thanks again for last night! I would have been lost without ya!

love ya,
trouble

jumpinginpuddles said...

im gald that you can have all those emotions and glad you can see some of them as safe enough to have right now. Im glad you have support and you feel safe in that, and most of all im glad you came into the blogging world because it is obvious your heart is for others but you are also teaching others about caring for themselves the way you are learning
thankyou for that

amelia

Wanda's Wings said...

Amelia,
I do care for those that have been hurt. I been there. I just learning it take time and work. You are very strong. Don't let anyone tell you different.
((hugs))

wolfbaby said...

good for you, hope the doc can help with the mood swings that would help even more... Good luck with that;)