As I look back over the last several months I have "felt" more than I have since I was about 12 years old. I learned a very young age that "shuting down" was far less painful. The bad thing I found is that you can't pick and chose what you want to turn off when it comes to your emotions. Both the good and the bad are equally tightly "stuffed" inside. It funny how releasing some of bad had made it possible for me to have a whole range of emotions. I spent several of the hardest months ever looking at why I was the way I am. I used to hate for anyone to touch me. Now I loved to be hugged. I laugh more, maybe cry more, and I sure do feel more. I see more hurts and pains in others and I want to help them not hurt as much.
I thank God each day that He is patient with me. I have friends that care about me. A pastor that thinks there is hope for me. One doctor that thinks he can regulate my mood swings. ( the vote is still out on that one). All in all- I'm not there, but it getting there.