Monday, July 31, 2006
I thought finally the medication was right. Geodon is the latest drug of choice. I was sleeping better and felt pertty good, but the bottom has dropped out today! Everything makes me want to cry! How can I be on top of everything one minute and wanting to crawl in a hole the next minute. This is getting very old! Maybe the depression was triggered by the fact I saw a new thearpist today. Or maybe it because my known world is colapsing. Or maybe it was my "X" coming to my house. Or maybe because I just need a break. Who knows? I just get so tired of the depression. What in the world would it be like just to feel normal?? Not like you can change the world with one hand, but just normal. I'm trying to do the right things, but still the darkness of depression is crushing me. I'm so sick of this. When I am this depressed I feel so alone. I feel like I have been abandoned. What is wrong with me??? I am trying to use better coping skills this time and not do anything that I'll regret later. I just hate depression! Why is it so hard to regulate bi-polar meds??