Monday, July 31, 2006

So Depressed


I thought finally the medication was right. Geodon is the latest drug of choice. I was sleeping better and felt pertty good, but the bottom has dropped out today! Everything makes me want to cry! How can I be on top of everything one minute and wanting to crawl in a hole the next minute. This is getting very old! Maybe the depression was triggered by the fact I saw a new thearpist today. Or maybe it because my known world is colapsing. Or maybe it was my "X" coming to my house. Or maybe because I just need a break. Who knows? I just get so tired of the depression. What in the world would it be like just to feel normal?? Not like you can change the world with one hand, but just normal. I'm trying to do the right things, but still the darkness of depression is crushing me. I'm so sick of this. When I am this depressed I feel so alone. I feel like I have been abandoned. What is wrong with me??? I am trying to use better coping skills this time and not do anything that I'll regret later. I just hate depression! Why is it so hard to regulate bi-polar meds??

13 comments:

wolfbaby said...

(((hugs my special friend))))

what is normal?

who knows?????

i wish i could make it all go away.. and the depression would just not even exist..

But I can't so i will pray for you... take care of yourself... and ask for help when you need it ok...

(((hugs)))

Dreaming again said...

What is wrong, is you have a chemical imbalance called bipolar and you saw a new therapist ...who, while helpful, made you uncomfortable and reminded you things aren't exactly great at all times.

What is right ...is the same God that was in control yesterday, is still in control and the same support system that was there yesterday, is still there today even if you don't feel it ...only, you have one added person. The therapist ...who is going to grow to love you as much as I do, I just know it!

It's ok that you don't feel it, it's still there. You're not supposed to like depression. :)

*HUGS*

Wanda's Wings said...

WB:
I need all the prayers I can get. Thank you for caring about me. ((hugs))

DA:
Guess I chemically imblanced today. Feeling like I'm be shoved off as someone else problem. Maybe a bit of the overactive imagination going on. I just very sad today. My emotions, mind, and heart, just aren't on the same page today.

Jade said...

"Normal" its a funny word really. I dont believe there is a "normal" when it comes to humans.
Sounds like you've got a lot going on in your life right now..which may be why things are so hard for you today. And maybe its not the new meds.

You'll be in my prayers, and hopefully tomorrow brings a fresh day for you to work with.

jumpinginpuddles said...

maybe thats not everything that is wrong with you wanda and maybe the bipolar is only part of it maybe

Amelia

cheesemeister said...

I think that just like with something such as diabetes, the meds that control it most of the time sometimes can't control it. Although more under control with whichever meds work for us there will be times when the disease has the upper hand. I give you best wishes for getting through this time!

Sunnie Dee said...

I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you can sort out a good combination of meds soon that work for you

sunnie

Wanda's Wings said...

Jade:
Maybe trying to be "normal" is not a goal to shoot for. Maybe there is no "normal". Thanks for the prayers!

JIP:
You might very well be right. This new "T" is very concerned about my dissociation and wants to see me weekly. She said stress would trigger more dissociations. Thanks for your continued support.

Cheesemeister:
I guess I have been better controled on this medicine than any other one. Complete control may not be possible. Thanks

Sunnie dee:
Thank you for your support and concern. I guess just never giving up is part of the solution.

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Dreaming again said...

Wanda .... you have reached the all important status in the blog world of being SPAMMED!!!

If you havne't put on word verification when I get back from trying to enroll Samuel (3rd times a charm?) I will do it for you.

Congratulations on hitting this *uhem* status ... LOL

Hey Rumblebuffin ... I love you!

Fallen Angels said...

(((((Wanda))))) Agree with what everyone has said...well...except the spammer anyway! ;)

I'll send you an email a bit later...I'm getting ready to take my nephews to the park.

Sera

Dreaming again said...

OB KAY BE ... you are set up for word verification and for comments to be sent to your email when you have them. Didn't realize you didn't have that part. Sorry.

All set up now :D Spammers have to play fair now. LOL

Wanda's Wings said...

PK;
Thanks for taking care of mr spam for me. ((hugs))

Fallen Angels;
Looking forward to getting you e-mail. I always like to here what you have to say.