Monday, July 10, 2006


I wonder if the abuser every realizes the life time of pain they cause their victims. I know that statistics show most abuser were also a victim of child abuse themself. What prevents the one that was abused, from becoming an abuser him or herself? Do all children that are abused become "victims" or "abuser" ? I look in my family history. I was abuse as a child. I married someone that was abused as child. His father was a child molester, he became a child molester. What chances do the children have? His daughter from the 2nd marriage was removed from their home. He admitted he had molested her and states he may have molested our two children. What are their changes? My oldest child, who is now an adult, "T" has asked that I come to a meeting to "fill in the blanks". My oldest has totally "blacked out" his childhood. It sound all too much like the first 18 years of my life. I blocked out it all, but it didn't go away. I t continued to effect every part of my life. I wish I had not been so blinded by my pass. Maybe I could have seen this. Maybe I wouldn't have worked so much. Now all I want to do is to help those that are hurt. Yes I'm healing. Yes it hard work. If this can be broken, what ever the cost, it must stop! No child should be hurt. Child abuse hurts.


wolfbaby said...

I firmly believe that statistics cause nothing but trouble

and that we are masters of our own destineys

We may once apon a time have been a victim

but that does not mean we will always be nor will we have to be an abuser

we are what we grow to be... some of us take longer then others

but we end up being our own selves, nothing less and nothing more

Even my pcp says that statistics do more harm then good and she's a doc!!!

Don't take the blame for others actions... You have no blame in this!!! when you found out, you did something and supported your children in there need for you and support in themselves... and that is what matters.

believe it or not helping others helps you.

I said it before and i will say it again your children are lucky they have you!!

jumpinginpuddles said...

we have been severely abused ans we choose to not abuse. I am so so so sorry for the pain youve written about here, our deepest kindest hugs and care

Fallen Angels said...

I'm with JIP...we were abused and chose not to abuse others. It is mostly an unconscsious decision, but at times has been a concsious one. For clarification on that, see my post in archives titled "Breaking the Cycle".

You ask if it can be broken and that post is an example that it CAN be. Your own posting is another example. You were asbused...are you abusing others? No, you are healing. The sone that wants you to come to a meeting...he is healing also. When we heal, we recognize the abuse in our own lifes and make a concsious decision to change ourselves.


Wanda's Wings said...


Thanks for your input. I was so upset beacauseI just talked to my oldest. The fact he has no meomories of the past 20 years scared me so much.

I know I never abused anyone. It just hurts so badly that this happened to my precious children, as well as God knows how many others. My X is still out on bail waiting for a trail. He still works in a hospital and sometimes works on the Peds units.
My "X" did oral sex with the very young. He said he didn't even think there was anything wrong with it "at the time". "Touching and Oral are not Rape"! What?????

I thank God, my X was in another state when he told me. I am also thankful I did not have a gun, because I truly wanted to kill him.

I am healing and trying to help my kids. I also want to do what ever I can to stop this from happening to anyone else.

I know healing take time. I just feel like I have failed. I want to get the word out to help others to know what to watch for.

As I look back and try it forgive myself. I see I hadn't remember my past until after the births of my children. While I was in the hospital and working is when my X did these terrible things.

Thank you for your encouragement and support. Thanks for more information on breaking the cyle.

mysti said...

I agree with all the ones who commented on here. Abuse can be broken. It just has to be wanted to be broken.


Raine said...

((((((Wanda))))))) I have had to deal with the fact that someone I brought into my home messed with my daughter. I dont think there is anything harder to deal with. There is horrible guilt and it is nearly impossible to overcome even tho it isnt justified. I totally understand everything you have said and my heart goes out to you and yours

j said...

Statistics show that the majority of abuse victims do not become abusers themselves. So the statistics are on your side.

But as everyone has already said, the statistics reflect reality rather than determine it.

Thank you for your blog.