Thursday, March 18, 2010

Going Through The Motions

Right now I am just going through the motions of being alive. I'm going to start a grief class on the 30th. It lasts for 12 weeks. Maybe that will help. Life seems so worthless right now. I don't enjoy anything. I keep blogging to get rid of these negative emotions. I scared myself today. I almost turned my car head on in front of a semi. I quickly thought of the diver of the semi. What had he done to deserve that. My blogging friends have really helped keep me going with their encouragement and prayers. Thank you.


Catherine said...

Wanda, I have had those moments driving,they are very scary. Are you in therapy at the moment? I think the grief class will be good for you.

Lots of love, Catherine

Wonderingsoul said...

Dear Wanda,
Yeah. I hear you and understand something of the feeling of wanting it all to end.

Again, I want to say that it is hardly surprising that you are feeling desperate enough to desire that.
I guess I just want to kee telling you that because I want so much for you to feel that the way you are feeling right now is so, so, so normal. It's absolute HELL, but it is totally understandable.
Someone wrote here that they don't thnk there is anything worse than losing a child.
There is so much truth in that.

You are going through the motions because you are so overwhelmed by the tragedy.
I'm told that there comes a point when just going through the motions ends and you realise that you are starting to live and feel again. Perhaps not in quite the same way as before, but nevertheless, it is something far more than you have right now.

Please hang in there and give it a chance.

I'm glad you are going to be able to share your grief with others.

Keep writing.


Mary said...

Wanda, I do think the grief group will help. My niece committed suicide last year - my sister went to one and said it was so helpful to talk to other people experiencing similar feelings, going through a similar journey. Though you probably feel like isolating yourself, you need people around you some of the time.

And though you may feel like you cannot make it another day, God's mercies are new each day. He gives you the strength when you need it, not before. Each day!!


Just Be Real/God Whispers In The Wind said...

Wanda, I am glad to read that you will begin a Grief Sharing Class. You will have others in the class that you can relate to face to face and have support. This will help you tremendously. Thank you dear for sharing.

I am here listening as always....


RCUBEs said...

May the Lord's strength be yours sister! Take care of yourself.

Dr. Deb said...

I have found that the grief groups are so helpful. The timing of when to start one is important. If you are not ready, don't push yourself.

Thinking of you, and sending you my heartfelt thoughts.

Cheesemeister said...

In this world there is absolutely no worse devastation than losing a child. I think that it can help to talk to others who are experiencing extreme grief. All my love to you.

Andrea said...

Wanda, I do get it. My sister died tragically at age 17! Going through the motions is a good way to put it...however, it is a are putting one foot in front of the other until you feel like doing it. Right do it b/c you know it is what you need to do. In time, it will become easier. However, your son will never be more than a thought away. You will learn to cope and you will also use this time to help others who are hurting. GOD will use do I know? Because, somehow, with all my flaws, etc....HE uses me.
Hugs, love, and prayers, andrea

Prayer Girl said...

I thank God from the bottom of my heart that you did not follow through on that impulse to turn your car into a semi.

Though you feel everything is worthless, you are very valuable.

I also pray that the grief class brings some relief.

Love and prayers for you,

Steve E said...

BRAVA! A grief Class is certainly a positive action on your part--to heal, (and meaybe even to help another, or others?). Sometimes, it helps me to help another who is suffering, and it takes me out of myself, at least for some hours, or minutes.

Please excuse the advice (again) it is not intended to :push" you or "pull" you in any direction. Just sharing a little experience, that's all.
Love...and PEACE!

Paula said...

Grief class is so very worthwhile. Safe hug

Colleen said...

I am glad you are starting grief class. Good for you! Hugs.

Raine said...