Monday, July 28, 2008


Earlier this evening as I set holding a bottle of pills in my hand and my phone range. I didn't pick it up then my cell rang which interrupted what I was thinking of doing. It was a friend, she knew I was depressed, but I don't think she knew how depressed I was. I had been crying and thinking I just could not take it any longer. After talking to her I realized that I could not let him win. I am just so tired of feeling so sad. I'm tired of the flashbacks and the body memories. I'm hoping the therapist I see on August 7,2008 will help. I feel if I can not get some of this out I'm going to die. I am trying some of the tips from Dr Deb post on flashbacks. Trying to keep grounded is the hardest. My son doesn't understand this at all, which makes me feel bad. I'm so depressed I don't feel like doing anything.


Mike Golch said...

Wanda,PLEASE,PLEASE NEVER THINK THAT IS A WAYOUT.I have been there way to many times my when things get that bad I'm on the phone talking to someone. if not my doctor the doctor that is covering.Or the susicide provention hotline.Please PROMISE THAT YOU WILL CALL THE SUSICIDE PROVENTION PHONE LINE. THEY care and want to help.Just remember susicide is a premenent solution to a tempory problem.
I just got you as a friend I do not want to lose you. Big time Hugs and Blessings.

Dreaming again said...

don't! You promised me you never would! You know what that would do to me. You've read my story, you've talked to me endlessly, you've seen my tears where few have ... you've HEARD me cry ..and that's not something most get to do ... and because my daddy took his own life.

Don't ... you promised me you never would! You contracted with RS ..and you promised ME!

Please ... you have to be there when I graduate and get my bachelor's, my masters and my Ph.D ... it won't be the same if you're not there!

I know you're hurting and it feels like it will never stop ...but don't do this to me. To Chris .. to RS ... to Don and Benjamin and Samuel ...


Clueless said...

Have you considered calling a hotline when this occurs or even going to a hospital or police station or somewhere to obtain help?

I am so sorry that you are so depressed. I promise you from one who has been there that it doesn't last forever. If you have friends that will call you, it might help to call them instead of the pills.

Take care and be good to yourself.


jennifer said...

Here by way of Mike Golch. Please don't. Just hang on. Each day hang on. Set a daily goal - see tomorrow. Then set that same goal. It's like breathing through the pain, you know?

You are in my prayers.


Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I hope the therapist can help you through this. Prayers coming your way. :)

Tamara said...


You have so many people who care about you and would miss you if your weren't here. I know in the middle of the pain there seems no other answer. But, please call someone, reach out however you can. You just need a reminder that the pain doesn't last forever. Suicide, however, does. PLEASE don't think of it as an option. You are not alone and we all love you.


Tina Coruth said...


My father was just like your father. It's hard to get past, but you can do it. Please hang in there. This darkness will pass. One day, you will realize life is good. Please believe me. Please reach out to others. I hope this therapist helps you. If by chance you don't find this therapist helpful, get another. Sometimes therapist and patient just don't click, so you go to someone else. Please think of the people who love you. You are worthy of love. You deserve to be loved. You are a good person. Be kind to yourself. Please keep in mind, that if you commit suicide, you are letting "him" win - you are letting him take your life. Do not let that happen.

I'm rambling now. I'm sorry. I want so much for you to value yourself. Please call someone if you feel this way again. Throw out the pills. Commit yourself to your life, the life you deserve.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.


Hopefulsl said...

Come on over to my site and see what
i am asking of people. I think this
might help you some????
My prayers are with you, you have all
of your blogger friends to help you out. Like everybody else is saying,
Please do not do this!!!!
Make that phone call to talk to somebody, try anything before ending
your life....
Hugs & Hugs And Blessings My Friend..

Lily Strange said...

Trying to dig my way out of my own hole. I'm sorry I missed this post. You can contact me at if you need to "talk" even if virtually.