Destruction to Glory

2012 was a year bent on destruction of my family. God had other plans. In the Spring I was rushed to the hospital with chest pain and shortness of breath. My heart was in a rapid, unstable rhythm. They say I was "lucky" to have come in to the hospital.

Alice back continued to deteriorate. She was placed on a 5lb weight lifting restriction and told she could not fall again. Our church hear this and built a ramp to allow her access to and from the house.

Alice fell and was paralyzed from her waist down. She had emergency surgery and was given a 20% chance of walking again. Many prayers went up and she can walk with her walker today. 

I almost died from a rare post op complication. As I was taken to the hospital I kept saying I just need to rest. I am glad someone made me go to the hospital.

It's Cold Outside

 It's cold outside! We saw our first snow flakes today but none stayed on the ground. The wind chill is now down in the teens. Tonight we will have actual temperatures in the teens and wind chills in the single digits.  It's just better to stay in as much as possible. I still need to take down the Christmas decorations. I guess I have to New Years Day. Nothing much is going on. Just a short note to let everyone know I'm okay.

Merry Christmas!

 WISHING ALL MY FRIENDS A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS! LOVE AS IF THERE IS NO TOMORROW.

The Heart Of Christma

Despite a disappointing weekend of  "no shows" I feel a peace within my spirit. There has been a lot of pain this holiday season, but goodness out weighs the bad in the world. Most people show the heart of Christmas which can best be described as love. When we look for the meaning of Christmas we can see it in the hearts of those that give of them self. Jesus was a gift of love and we need to be filled with that spirit. MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my friends and may the love of Christmas fill your hearts!

Excited!

I'm so excited. My brother said he was coming down this weekend from Indy. I haven't seen him since Chris' memorial service. I have so much to do! I'm like a little kid.

Christmas Is Coming

The weather has been so warm (60) that it has been hard to believe Christmas is just around the corner. Alice and I have spent a couple of nights looking at Christmas lights. The first night we went to Rhema  Bible College. They have one of the largest light displays in the nation (over 2 million lights). It was beautiful. Alice has a video clip on her blog. They now have horse and buggy rides, hot chocolate, and funnel cakes. We have been going there since the kids were young. It sure has grown over the last 30 years. You can see it on YouTube.

Tonight we just went in the neighborhood around our house. There were a lot of beautiful homes. It was nice just spending the time with Alice.

Prayers For The Families In Newton

Medication Change

I saw my psychiatrist today and he said he was not surprised that I was depressed. He said that when he adjusted the mood stabilizer he knew the next step would be the antidepressant. He increased the antidepressant today and wanted to make sure I was seeing my therapist. Sometimes I so wish I weren't bipolar. Having PTSD and bipolar makes it so hard to keep all my medicine adjusted. I not only take medication from my psychiatrist but several other doctors. I feel like a walking pill box!

On another note someone left a Christmas present on  our front door step. There was no card to say who it was from so it is a total unexpected gift. There is God hidden in so many things. Alice had her mammogram today and the told her everything looked good.   

Glasses And Such

I got my eyes checked about 6 months ago and was written a script for glasses. I finally went to get fitted today. The lady that was assisting me couldn't believe I had never had glasses before. I not only need glasses but I need bifocals! There were so many frames to choose from. Some were so expensive. I choose a simple pink wire framed pair. My friend that went with me suggested I get a light tint on the lens. I had no idea what I was doing. It seemed like everything cost extra, but I wanted to get these put on this years insurance claim to save me some money. You can really spend a ton on glasses. I am hoping I don't loose or break them. I have been terribly hard on my reading glasses. Well this was my first time so excuse my book on the story.

On to other things. I saw my therapist today. She is concerned about my depression. She suggested I find a way to be around animals some each week. Right now my car is out of commission until I can afford to get it fixed. I hoping on payday I'll have enough to fix it.  Without a car you are kind of limited on what you can do.

The tree is up and the wreath is on the front door. I wanted to put lights on the ramp, but I guess that will have to wait until next year. I am really working on being in the Christmas spirit. It is just so hard after you lose a child. I am so thankful for everyone support right now. You all mean so much to me.

December 1, 2012

  It's December 1 ,2012 and the  days are quickly approaching Christmas day. People are busy, decorating, buying gifts, and Holiday planning. These days can be hard for some people. I know I am struggling. I want so much to just enjoy the season, but painful memories seem to get in the way. Even trying to think of the real meaning of Christmas can be difficult. During these happy, joyful times let us try to remember those that struggle through these days.

Intrusive Thoughts Haunt Me

Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome involuntary thoughts, images, or unpleasant ideas that may become obsessions, are upsetting or distressing, and can be difficult to manage or eliminate.^[1] When they are associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), depression, body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), and sometimes attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), the thoughts may become paralyzing, anxiety-provoking, or persistent. Intrusive thoughts may also be associated with episodic memory, unwanted worries or memories from OCD,^[2] posttraumatic stress disorder, other anxiety disorders, eating disorders, or psychosis.^[3] According to Lee Baer (a specialist at the OCD clinic of Massachusetts General Hospital), intrusive thoughts, urges, and images are of inappropriate things at inappropriate times, usually falling into three categories: "inappropriate aggressive thoughts, inappropriate sexual thoughts, or blasphemous religious thoughts

Intrusive thoughts seem to haunt me. When my depression is out of control I seemed to be over run by intrusive thoughts. They are so disturbing and freighting. I try to control them but they are over powering.  They are very self destructive. They cause a lot of distress. I am working in therapy to try to overcome these impulses. The thoughts are so demanding, demanding an action. The thoughts are violent in nature. They frighten me. I think something is majorly wrong with me.

Dreams

 

Dream: A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.

I have wondered for a long time what certain dreams mean. I have wondered if I could communicate with those that have gone before me. Why does the mind dream? What is the purpose of dreams? What causes dreams to be distressing or pleasant? I dream a lot. I have both nightmares and pleasant dreams. I feel God can talk to you through dreams. I am curious what others think about dreams. Are they more than random thoughts? Can theses dreams be a link to your past?  During intense therapy I have had many distressing dreams about my past. Can you believe dreams? I have been dreaming a lot recently and am just trying to find some answers for what it all means. I really would like some input from my friends on what they think.

It Was A Good Day

Today was a good day. I enjoy my family so much. We had a good dinner: turkey with all the trimmings. We ate far too much, but it was so good. I hope everyone had a good day and remembered to give thanks.

Life Can Be Short

One thing I have learned is "life can be short". I just got a call from back home that my brother's first wife had died. She was too young to be gone. I have felt death too much in the past few years. It makes you think how important each day is. We must take time to love and say words of kindness to those that touch our life. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. We must live each day to the fullest. Never ever stop giving and receiving love.  Have a wonderful weekend and tell someone how much you love them.

Thankful

With Thanksgiving coming up it is time to remember all we have to be thankful for.

1. My lovely daughter Alice
2. Wonderful memories of my beloved son Chris
3. Extended family members
4. Wonderful friends both near and far
5. Plenty food to eat
6. A roof over my head
7. A car to drive
8. Great doctors
9.  Electronics to keep me in touch 
10. My savior and friend Jesus Christ

How Do I Feel?

It's hard to understand what I'm going through right now. I'm filled with  self doubt. I know I will make it but I feel so fragile right now. I feel overwhelmed with extreme sadness. I am going through a rough time right now. Please hold me up.

Help

Does anyone know what the normal value for amnion level in the brain is? I have been trying to find it on line and can't seem to find it. This is very important to me. Any help I would greatly appreciate.

Sad Days

I am having a rough day today. I feel sad and alone. I am missing Chris so much. The death of  a child leaves such a deep dark hole. Some times I think everyone has forgotten Chris except me. He was such a wonderful person. I miss his sweet smile and gentleness. Chris I wish you were here!

Boo To All My Friends : Happy Halloween!

Chronic Pain

Tens of millions of Americans suffer from chronic pain -- pain that lasts longer than six months. Chronic pain can be mild or excruciating, episodic or continuous, merely inconvenient or totally incapacitating.

With chronic pain, signals of pain remain active in the nervous system for weeks, months, or even years. This can take both a physical and emotional toll on a person.

Both Alice and myself suffer from chronic pain. Alice has chronic back pain caused by reputed disc that can not be repaired.  Mine is severe joint pain and muscular pain caused by my lupus. Chronic pain has been excruciating and greatly affects every part of our lives.

I feel so much older than people 20 years older than myself. Alice is almost wheelchair bound and she in her early thirties. We are blessed by people that love and care for us. Without these people I am not sure where we would be.

Wow

Wow, what a rough few weeks. I've been in the hospital again and the day after I'm out Alice fell and was admitted to the hospital. We are both OK now, but we both are very tired. In spite of being tired we had dinner out to rid the taste of hospital food.

The weather has been crazy around here. We have had over a 40 degree temperature drop. I guess I should be thankful because it has not been sever weather. I know and pray for all of those people on the East coast.

Halloween is just around the corner. We have candy in stock and are waiting on the little goblins to show up at our front door. Last year we didn't get that many trick or theaters at our door. Maybe this year we will have more.

A Little Outing

Alice was going crazy from being confined to the house so we took a little outing. We stopped at a Mexican restaurant and had lunch. The food was really good and the prices were great. We had lunch with drinks and a tip for $20.00. We then drove to see some new developments in Broken Arrow. We saw a new service station that was huge, the land were a multiplex movie theater was going to be put in, and finally a beautiful new housing addition. We continued our drive to pick up my medications, a half price large drink at Sonic, and finally we found were my polling place was. I think it did Alice good to get out of the house even though we are both tired now.

I have read several blogs today that dealt with not being worthy of God's love. I have felt this so much in recent days. I feel I don't know how to give or receive His love. I sometimes feel like the worst Christian on the planet. I seem to doubt everything or believe it's not true for me. I am working on this but I guess I'm a work in progress.

I am feeling a little better today.  Maybe holding back on the amount of liquids  and salt is helping. I did kind of blow it by eating Mexican today. I will just have to be real strict the rest of the day.

The weather change must be affecting us all, including  Alice's cats. They have been running and jumping all over the place. They act like they found a stash of catnip.

Doctor Visit

Doctor, doctor you are giving me the blues!  My CA level is still low, but it looks like the parathyroid glands are trying to stabilize. She did say that my CA level is much improved over when I was admitted to the hospital. She also stated I was lucky my heart did not stop.  They needed to increase my thyroid medication. I am retaining a lot of fluid and can not take a diuretic due to my lab values. I have been put on a strict diet with a fluid restriction. The reason is to decrease the work load on my heart and decrease the amount of fluid I am retaining. I have to do a daily weigh and blood pressure reading to call in next week. I am also supposed to get another CA level next Tuesday. Being sick is NO FUN!

So Tired

I am so tired today and hurt all over. I don't even feel like going to the store. My feet are swollen like balloons. I have had to take more pain pills today. I just want to feel good again.

It is raining here and there is some thunder. To me thunder is very relaxing. My cats would disagree. I love the smell of the air after the rain. Let it rain!

ICU

I came as close to dying as I care to. I am thankful God was watching over me. I went to ER thinking I was having an asthma attack. I was very weak, short of breath, and had severe numbness in my face and hands. Until they had lab result they treated me like a crock. My lab came back with a critical CA level that was effecting all the muscle in my body including my heart. I came very close to dying that day. I was in ICU for three days getting loaded up on my CA. The doctor said she had never seen anyone with a level so low. I spent 2 more days in a step down unit monitoring my heart. The last thing they did was give me another bolus of CA before I left the hospital. I am suppose to see my doctor tomorrow for another CA check. The scary part is the symptoms are so non defined it is hard to tell what is going on. They believe it was caused by my surgery and nausea and vomiting. What ever caused it I don't want to go through that again!

Home

I got home from the hospital a few minutes ago. I'm not feeling very well right now. I am very flushed and weak from the rapid change in the hormones. Right now my face looks like a red smurf and my neck looks like Jack the Ripper got a hold of me. I am told it should heal up nicely because all of the stitches are internal and the outside is glued together. The doctor said the one mass was huge and the ultrasound did not show how big it was because it was under the collard bone. It did not look like cancer but we will have to wait for the biopsy to come back. The doctor said the surgery definitely needed done because it was pushing on my trachea. I am glad to have this all done except the healing.

My church is the greatest. They wiil be bringing in some meals for a few days. I am truly blessed!

Surgery

Well my surgery time is 10:15 tomorrow. That's really a pretty good time. It's not too early and not to late. We will have to leave the house around 7:45 to be at the hospital at 8:45. I think I am really pretty calm about it. I'll just be glad to get it done. I'll just be in the hospital over night. Everything else is going okay right now so this is a very short post.

What A Busy Week!

Wow, what a busy week this has been. Between Alice and myself we had six doctor appointment plus she had 8 in house visits from home health care. There has been hardly any time to do anything! Thanks to the help of some good friends that helped with shopping and laundry I don't think we could have made it! The weekend will be busy too. Sunday will be church and small group. This will be the longest time I have left Alice alone. She is getting around super well in the wheelchair. She was able to walk with the walker about 10-12 steps. I finally had time to vacuum the living room.  I'll never catch up. ( lol as if I ever was!)

I had my pre op done Thursday. I guess surgery is just around the corner. I am a little nervous but every one I have talked to says it is a simple surgery. Just the idea of going under the knife for two hours gives me the chills. I'll be glad when this is all done. I'm also a little nervous about leave Alice for 48 hours. This now starting to sound like a medical blog. lol I guess that is all that has been going on recently.

Words

Words can either build up or tear down. We need to be careful how we use our words. I have had people say words that stick with me for years. One hurtful phase that was said to me in high school still comes to mind every now and then. A person called me "horse face". I can't remember the face of the person that said those words but the words are still painful.

I have heard so many good words spoken that have had a lasting effect on me.  These word include:  loveable, considerate, competent, beautiful, special, wonderful, awesome, and smart. These words are so uplifting and help me during rough times. They help me erase the old tapes from my childhood. They help me see myself in a different light. They build me up. We should all speak words that uplift others.

Stronger

I know this song only refers to love gone wrong but it applies to so much of my life. I look back at the child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence, my daughters medical problems, my medical problems, and greatest trauma in my life, the death of my son. I feel I am stronger.  The healing touch of God makes it possible to say this. I wish all theses things had not happened, but I am a stronger person.

Remember

May We Always Remember

A Few Steps

Some wonderful news today. Alice was able to take a few steps today! Most of the time she doesn't have control over her legs but we are making progress. I am so excited. I am so thankful that God did listen to all the prayers that went up for her.

Starting Friday we have an appointment every day for the next week. I have my pre op appointment for the surgery on the 27th. Alice has two appointments and I have three. What a busy week. I haven't had time to be anxious about my surgery. I will just be in the hospital over night.

Dark Pit Of Depression

 

I feel like I am sinking into a deep dark pit of depression. Maybe it's just exhaustion or maybe my bipolar is just cycling that way.  This could also be brought on by the amount of physical pain I am in or the stress I have been under. Crying does not seem to help. I hate it when I feel like this. I am hoping this will soon lift.

Sleep Like A Baby

I was so tired last night you would have thought I would have slept like a baby. NOT SO! I don't know if I was just too exhausted, if I had too much on my mind, or if I had left my medications at the rehab center where Alice is staying. My plans for the night is to take my medication and sleep.

I guess I don't have to tell anyone I have been stressed. I am trying to cope with all that is going on. I see my therapist Friday, I think we will have a lot to talk about. I see my thyroid doctor tomorrow but I not sure what he will do since I have not had surgery yet. I did not have my appointment book today and got a call from my therapist office wanting to know when my next appointment was. It seems that they scheduled me with my daughter therapist. I am still confused who is seeing who. I am supposed to call them back tomorrow to clear up the mess. I guess anyone can made mistakes.

I want to thank everyone for all their support during this stressful time. Your prayers and support means so much to me.

Snappy

I am so tired I am really snappy. Alice is now in the Rehab center. The new doctor stated she may have 50/50 percent of bladder control. Leg use still we will just have to see. I am so tired I can hardly hold my head up. I am looking forward to a night in my own bed. They explained this is a short term physicality. (7-10 days) I don't know what I'm going to do yet. My house is not set for her power wheelchair. I am having surgery on my neck so things maybe very complicated. Like I said before I am just to tired to think straight.

Doctors Seem Impressed

The doctors seemed impressed today with Alice's progress. We are still  along way form being able to walk, but there has been significant improvement. There is movement of upper thigh and very slight movement of the feet. Alice is depressed, but is getting some of her sense of humor back. I am very hopeful. Continue to pray for healing and visit her at AliceP.com. It would lift her spirits to have some visitors.

Crying Like A Baby

Both Alice and myself have been crying. I know I am so tired and emotional but I just can not give up hope. I just don't understand why things keep going so bad. I feel like Job must have felt. I am too tired to write any more.

Emotional Roller Coaster

I  have been on an emotional roller coaster since Alice's injury. Sometimes I feel hopeful and sometimes I feel despair. No real change today. Did learn she is not stable enough for one inpatient rehab center. I am not sure what the implications of that will be. Part of my problem is I am there 24/7 except for a quick trip home to feed the cats. I am so tired but want to be there for her. The nurses have been great but there are things that I still help her with. Keep remembering us. She needs a lot of encoragemet. She can be reached at her blog at AliceP.com

Urgent Prayer Request

I have been off line because of what has happened to Alice. She had a bad fall and was paralyzed from her hips down. She has ASAP surgery to relieve the pressure on the nerves. As of this AM she can wiggle her toes but is still unable to move her legs. The neurosurgeon says he is unable to tell at this point if she will be able to walk again. Please pray that God will enable her to walk again.  

Doctors

I am kind of wired up today. I saw my psychiatrist today and he told me I was a "brittle bi polar". He says my moods frequently had rapid and dramatic changes. That was no surprise. He said he didn't want to change any medicine today, but he wanted to see me again in two weeks. I really like my psychiatrist but wish I didn't have to see him so often.

Tomorrow I see the surgeon about my thyroid. I will be glad to get this over. I am so nervous about this appointment. I am just ready to get whatever needs to be done, done. It's crazy how nervous I am about what he will tell me. I guess I just need to do some deep breathing.

Sometimes I feel I  have enough doctors to start a clinic. I guess I am thankful they are there when I need them.  Medical expenses are such a big part of my monthly income. I worry about the continuing rise of medical cost.

A Few Days Break

My good friend YH ,on the spur of the moment, asked me if I wanted to go on a little trip. We spent a couple of days at a little motel called Happy Days. It was a theme motel and we stayed in Elvis' room. It was really cute. They had a little 50's dinner that had some wonderful hamburgers and fries. We ate too much! We visit some quilting shops and sight seeing.  We really had a good time and it did not cost too much money. It sure is fun just spending time with an old friend.

Life Changes

 My Brother and I

There are times that something changes everything in your life from that point on. We all have stresses either good or bad on a daily bases. These events can happen at anytime in one's life. There are things that we stress over that have little long term effect on us. Usually the number of significant events are not that many in a life time. What do you think your top 7 events are? Mine are listed below.

1.  Child abuse 
2. Rape
3. Marriage
4. Birth of my children
5. Divorce 
6. Health issues (mental and physical)
7. Death of my Son

The most life changing event in my life was when I met Jesus.

Pain

I am in so much pain today I can barely walk. I was hoping to go to church tomorrow but if I am not better I don't think I can make it. With chronic pain you get used to a certain level of pain but sometimes it can become  unbearable. I know I don't take anywhere near the number of pain pills that my doctor allows but you hear about so many people getting hooked on prescription drug that it pays to be cautious. Sometimes I feel so weak. I feel like I should be stronger. People tell me all the time I'm too hard on myself. Maybe I should listen.

Absolutely nothing is on TV at 3 AM. These late night of not being able to sleep are rough but I don't know what to do about it. I know I'm going to be exhausted tomorrow.   UGH!

Today

Today was a pretty nice day. Alice and I spent the entire day together. First we went shopping then had lunch. After lunch we went shopping again. I found some excellent deals which always make shopping more fun. When we got home we watched a DVD together. It was the perfect end to the day.
 
 It finally rained which I am hoping will cool us off. Today it was 101 again. They are saying we might get a cool front coming through with the rain which should drop the temperatures to the mid 80's. It has been such a hot summer I am ready for fall.

 I have been a bit manic for the past three days. I am sleeping very little and am so hyper.  I am also wanting to spend money. NOT GOOD! Right now my body is so screwed up I don't know which end is up. I have really been in a lot of pain today.

Need Someone To Talk To

There are times in our life that we just need someone to talk to. Our minds can be so filled with conflict and emotions that we must just get it out. I have felt at times the pain was too ugly to share with my friends. I was afraid to let out the emotions. I believe those that do have that "somebody" to talk to 24/7 have a true blessing. It seems to me late at night is the time I need to talk the most.

Now I am so filled with emotions and pain I just want to talk with somebody. It is just too late to bother anyone. Everyone is asleep or with their own family. Writing seems to help some. You get the emotions out but you don't have that feed back. I really have missed this in my life. The funny thing is I writing now without letting out the emotional details of the pain I am feeling. How can sharing be so hard for me when I find it so easy to listen with empathy? 

We were made to share our emotions and feelings with others. We all have happy times, sad times, painful times, that need to be shared. Let's remember with all the technology to use everything that is available to really communicate to those you love and care about. 

Let Your Light Shine

Sometimes it doesn't feel like I have a lot to offer, but if each day I can just let a little light shine in someone's life then that is a good thing. We never know what those around us are going through. A smile is something we all can give. It can lift up that person whose load just maybe too hard to bear. Saying thank you  to the person at the check out counter. We have a light, a love inside to show. 

Always Good To See A Friend

It's always wonderful to see a good friend. My very dear friend Randy was in town today and took me out to lunch to celebrate my Birthday. I don't get to see him very often since they move out of town. It was good to get caught up what was going on in life and seeing what his family has been doing. Seeing someone is person is so much better than just talking on the phone or emails. Don't get me wrong I love using modern social media to keep in touch but there is nothing like a person to person meeting. There is nothing that can replace an old fashion hug.

I just feel so blessed with all my on line friends. I have met so many beautiful people. Sharing is so healing. Because of my past I had a real fear of trusting people but as I have gotten older I have come to realize how much we need each other.

Birthday Fun

It was 33 years ago on my Birthday that I got the best Birthday present ever! I had my first child, Alice and I couldn't have been happier. It has always been so special to spend your Birthday with your first born child. Today we spent the day together just having fun. We were going to paint pottery together but couldn't find anything we liked so we went to the casino. It was Alice's first time. We got to play for quite some time without spending a lot of money. We were playing the penny machines. Alice got one bonus for $8.00 and I got one for $21.00. No we weren't hitting the "big ones" but we had fun. To finish the day we had a nice shrimp dinner. All in all we had a very nice Birthday. We still have Birthday cake for later!

A Thankful Heart

I was so impressed not only what Gabby accomplished but her thankful heart. "The praises go up and His blessing come down." What an impressive young women!

It's Too Hot!

Boy are we ever in a heat wave.  Not only is it hot but we are in  drought. Everything is dying: no grass and the crops are just dying.  Today it's been up to 113 degrees! We are in an excessive heat warning for the past several days. I believe we have been over 100 degrees for 23 days so far this summer. I am just so thankful for A/C. It's hotter here than in death valley.

Below are a couple of ways to cool off.

KEEP COOL!

What We Can Learn From The Olympic

What we can learn from the Olympic

1. Set your goals
2. Work hard for what you want
3. Over come obticals
4. Never give up
5. Someone believes in you
6. Enjoy the experience 

Keeping On Top

Sometimes it seems like life keeps throwing you curve after curve. Sometimes it can be the "little"  things that can get you down. Money or the lack of it causes so much stress. You have to keep pulling yourself back on top. You can't give in. The battle is in your mind. You can't let the negative thoughts over take you.  You have to remember you are worth the fight,

A Little Worried

I am trying not to think about it but I am a little worried. The doctor office got me in early about the thyroid masses. The doctor highly recommended surgery because of the size and location of the masses. He stated that they can not biopsy the masses because of the location and that he could not rule out cancer. I am being referred to a surgeon and waiting on some lab work. I will keep you updated but please remember me in your prayers. Now it is a waiting game so we will see what is going to happen. The encouraging news is that thyroid cancer is very rare so I am really trying not to worry. 

Life

Life is indeed a precious gift

Each day should be cherished

Hold close those you love

Never take for granite one moment

Always speak words of encouragement

These could be the last words ever heard

Smile and bring joy to others

Kind words are never forgotten

Remember we need each other

Give hugs frequently 

Show love in all you do 

Live life each day to it fullest
Life is fragile

 

HMO Rant

I can't get in until Oct to be checked for my thyroid!

Been Zapped

I feel like I have been zapped of all my energy. I don't feel like doing anything. I'm kind of sick at my stomach and so exhausted. Maybe I have a touch of something, or maybe it's the heat, but I just don't feel good. I am still waiting to get into a specialist about my thyroid. I have several masses and my thyroid levels are off. I have heard that thyroid problems can make you feel really bad and that it is bad for your depression. I knew I should not have eaten anything for breakfast. My stomach is really torn up! I'll try to get around to everyone's blog when I'm feeling better. Take care everyone. Until latter.

Time Away

I spent some time with a friend that lives about 2.5 hours way. We had a good time. We made some homemade strawberry ice cream that was to die for. Homemade ice cream is always the best! We did nothing special just hung out watched movies and talked. It was a nice break.

Looks like it is going to be a busy week this week. Lots of appointments including Alice's spine injection. I am really hoping this gives her some relief from her pain. I have got a ton of laundry waiting on me. I guess my good house keeping fairy is not going to show up to do it so i might as well jump to it Take care!

BFF

Best friends are a true blessing from God.

They hold you up when you are down

They loving give you that push when you need it

They stand by you through thick and thin

You can depend on them when times are rough

They celebrate the good times with you

Yes best friends are always there

How To Walk Your Human

We got the bright idea that we could put our youngest cat on a lease to take him to Pet's Mart. It didn't go to well. This video reminded me of the experience.

Summer Time

I love summer food! Corn on the cob, watermelon, home made ice cream, grilled hamburgers, hot dogs and steaks. Yum! Isn't it funny how anything  grilled taste better?  W are currently under a burn  band  so no grilling. Let's not forget the 4th of July.   I remember when summer met swimming till dark. Now I might stick my feet in the water. (No bathing suit for me) Summer was more than just heat advisories. Now I have trouble tolerating the heat. What good memories!    

Hooked

I can't believe I'm hooked on this stupid fish game! I'm not even sure what the name of the game is, but you feed the fish, collect gold coins, and kill sea monsters. Good grief!

It's been a pretty quite day around here. It is still so hot. Another day over 100 degrees. There is suppose to be a break by Tuesday. The temperature is going to drop to the upper 80's. We might even receive some rain. Right now we are under a burn band due to how dry it is here.

I watched 20/20 and it was about heaven. It was very interesting. I thought the near death experiences were very interesting, especially the one the young boy told. It had so much detail about who he saw. Angels were described. I do believe in heaven and angels.

Thankful thought for the day. Someday I will see Chris again in Heaven

Ain't What I Used To Be

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I am beginning to see more and more I ain't what I used to be! I remember the day I worked 50 hours  a week, attended all my kids ball games, took Karate, cooked  and cleaned, and still had energy! It's not that way any more. My health has caught up with me! Alice and I just went and got several bags of groceries and it was all I could do to help get them in the house and put them away.  I hate what lupus has done to my body!  Well things could be a lot worse. I can still take care of business. I'm just a a lot slower! lol

Last night we sat on the porch and watched the neighborhood fireworks. There  was a cool breeze which was nice since the high of the day was over 100 degrees. A very pleasant  and enjoyable time with Alice.

I have got so much I need to do today. Just one step at a time. That Is all anyone can do!

My thankful thought of the day, my home, my family, and my friends!

A Day Early

I know I'm a day early, but happy 4th of July everyone. Does anyone have any special plans for tomorrow? We are not doing anything special. I might watch some fireworks on TV where  I will be cool in my home.

I am just getting over a three day migraine headache. I was so sick! All I could do was stay in bed in the dark. I went to ER because I was having right sided weakness and slurred speech.  I just wanted to make sure it was not a stroke. I'm fine now and hope not to have another headache like that in a long time.

We have had a very short slight break in the heat. It is only running in the upper 90's. It is suppose to be back to 100 degrees by tomorrow. A nice hot 4th of July.

It's Hot!

Boy is it hot around here. The last several days it has been over 100 degrees. I had several appointments today. A ultra sound of my thyroid, a bone density, and my mammogram. The car really got heated up between appointments. I carried cold water to help beat the heat.

I am a little concerned about the thyroid scan because they found a mass. I am waiting to hear from my doctor to see what the next step is.  I really don't think it's a big deal, but I hate the word  "abnormal".

In  other news Alice's cats are at each others throats all the time right now. I am not sure if they are feeling the heat too. I can't afford to run the air really low in my house right now. You know the "B" word - budget!

I think the heat is part of the reason I am so tired right now. I don't feel much like doing anything. Well I must say I am thankful to be in my home and it is cooler in here than outside. I'm going to try to blog at least every other day until I get back in the swing of things. Everybody take care!