Sunday, April 11, 2010

NOT DOING WELL!

On top of every thing else I'm not sleeping. I am getting really cranky. I don't know if my meds are messed up or if I have been under to much stress. I really feel like I am losing my mind. I want to hurt my self. I parked in ER for a hour last night thinking about going in and yelling at them that they killed my son. I keep wondering if they had admitted him the first time (2 days earlier) and started his treatment sooner,if he would have lived. I just can not get that out of my mind. I've left a message for my therapist to please call me back, but I don't think she got the message. NOT DOING WELL!

19 comments:

Just Be Real/God Whispers In The Wind said...

((((Wanda))))
Here rocking you....

mago said...

Holy shit my dear. Is there someone in reach you can see or contact?

RCUBEs said...

I know there are a lot of "what if's"...Praying for the Lord to continue to strengthen you sister. I pray that you have some support from family or friends?

Catherine said...

Wanda, is there someone you can call to stay with you tonight until you see the doctor? Can you go to a crisis center?

Wendy Love said...

I am praying right now for you...

mago said...

Wanda?

Wonderingsoul said...

Dear Wanda,

I hear the complete rage you feel mixed in with the intensity of the grief... That anger is all part of the process I guess, but it is almost unbearable for you to live with and it sounds as though you are feeling absolutley desperate.

It's REALLY REALLY important that you get hold of your therapist or SOMEONB who can stay with you while you talk about this.
Please, please, please call someone up, go round to someone's house if you feel you are gong to hurt yurself in a way that is dangerous.
Please be careful of you. You are in such immense pain. You don't deserve to inflict more on yourself.

Arms around you.
x

Cheesemeister said...

I think that it is normal to feel the way you do given the situation. I think people these days make too much of "moving on." I don't think it's actually normal to "move on" so quickly from something so traumatic.
I don't know if it will help to know this but the emergency room personnel aren't so much the ones at fault as the current policies. People such as technicians and nurses have pretty well no control over who is admitted, and they do most of the care. Not that they can feel your pain but most hospital personnel would like to change the policies that cause people not to get the treatment they need.
I wish there were some way I could make it possible to bring back this person who meant the world to you. I don't know how anyone endures such hell. It isn't right.

Just Be Real/God Whispers In The Wind said...

Wanda, checking back on you dear..... ((((Wanda))))

Catherine said...

Wanda, just checking in on you. I hope you went to the doctor for your headaches. I hope you are ok.

Love, Catherine

Colleen said...

Hugs.

sarah said...

praying for you..and hoping that t. calls you asap

Prayer Girl said...

Call your therapist again till the message is received and answered. You need help and must get it. Your life is valuable. You are worth it.

You need help dealing with that thought about your son's first trip to the ER in addition to the situation in general.

PG

wolfbaby said...

sweet wanda know your in my thoughts and prayers

Gaia said...

Close your eyes and meditate. Your mind is too busy now. Take a rest. ((hugs))

jumpinginpuddles said...

grief is hard and finding answers when youve lost someone special is even harder

Raine said...

((((Wanda)))) I hope you are feeling a bit better now. I'm worried bout you

sarah said...

praying for you....

IK said...

Oh Wanda, I hope things have gotten a little better for you. Please take care! *hugs* <3