Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Why Don't I Remember?

Can anyone relate to not remembering traumatic events? I talked with my best friend and sister today and both of them told me about events that I just can't remember. The one event was only about 15 years ago when I asked my friend to borrow some money to bail my X out of jail. I just don't remember it at all. I can't remember why he was in jail or anything about it!

My sister was telling all sorts of things that I just don't remember. I do know my childhood was very traumatic. I know my step dad was cruel and sexually abused both my sister and I, but mostly from what I have been told. I can only remember one horrible sexual assault my step dad made. Mostly my mind is a big blank slate.

The most traumatic event ever in my life was when my Chris died. I can remember every detail and emotion I felt. Maybe it's true that there is nothing more traumatic than the death of your child. Maybe that is why the pain is so great even today.

I was just wondering if this was just a coping skill I developed when I was young just to block every thing bad out of my life. I'm am just curious if this has happened to anyone else.

7 comments:

Jesse Noe Mendez said...

Hi dear friend,

you know what? yes that is what happened to me. I have some rather horrible experiences that occurred as a child.

The memories did not come to me through therapy. They came back to me while at a place in my life where I felt safe.

One memory came to me while washing dishes. Another came back to me while arguing with a stranger...

Those memories get locked deep inside, and it takes miracles to bring them out. One cannot suggest of even prove how, but they happen when we feel safe, and when we least are expecting them to...

good luck sweet, just give it time, it does not matter that they remember, what matters is that you do and then start to heal from that though acceptance, and prayer...

Tracy said...

Wanda, I remember things my sister does not and vice versa...I realy do think the mind is a powerful tool and we'll remember when it's time. I do beleive that, besides why do you need to remember if you know?
Hugs to you....love the picture in the post!

Bobbi said...

I cannot imagine the pain you must feel, losing a child. I am so thankful that this life is not our final stop, and that we will see our loved ones again in Heaven.
I didn't have a bad childhood, but there are still things I don't remember...

Denise said...

I can understand. My stepfather abused me, and I blocked it out. Praying for you, love you my friend.

RCUBEs said...

Can't imagine what you had to endure...I think I do that sometimes when someone hurts me I feel like it's easier to forget so I can move on. Take care. God bless.

The Real Cie said...

I have things that I've repressed. I suspected for years that someone had done something untoward to me, but after I had my son I was triggered by a strong feeling that it was my late uncle. He was a very violent alcoholic. I do not have any clear memories as the abuse occurred at a very young age, but it makes sense. There have also been things that happened to me in childhood and youth which were very upsetting to me and I didn't remember until years later.

Anonymous said...

You're the first person I've heard who seems to have the same situation I do. I was sexually abused as a child and continued to experience mental and emotional abuse as a teenager and adult. I, too, can only remember one instance of the different types of sexual abuse and my memories of the other abuse are like flashes in time. It breaks my heart but I can't remember most of the rest of my life. I can't even remember most of my children's childhoods. I wish I knew how to get the "good" or "normal" memories back.