Monday, January 17, 2011

Is It True?


Is it really true what doesn't kill you make you stronger? I am so frustrated. The cost of my mental health care has become more than I can afford. I know I have so many issues, PTSD, eating disorder, bipolar, and still in deep grief. There are days like today I just don't think I can make it. I keep think about the after life and that it would have to be better than this. I know how dangerous my thinking is right now, so I'm trying to keep from thinking so much. The urges to hurt myself or so strong, but I'm fighting hard not to give in to them. It terrible to be afraid of your own mind. I'm trying so hard not to give in these intrusive thought. I guess that is why I keep calling people. Of course I can tell them what I'm writing here. I hate it when my thinking is all messed up and I guess that is why I'm reaching out on this blog. I guess it's true that "We all need someone to lean on".

9 comments:

MOLLYE said...

Hi Wanda, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Have you ever thought about checking into a volunteer thing you could do at home for someone else and by doing that you may find that as you feel good by helping someone else that you've been able to not think about how you hurt. Just a suggestion of maybe crocheting something or sending out cards or any little thing that might brighten someone's day. Peace sister, Mollye

Faycin A Croud said...

I guess there's a truism to that statement, but I always want to throttle people who say it. It's kind of diminishing of the horrific pain that people feel during a divorce, or especially the loss of a loved one, even a pet. The medical industry in this country is so badly broken. Nobody should have to struggle to pay for their medications or medical treatment. Call me a socialist, but I think that Sweden has it right and I've thought that for thirty years. They pay higher taxes but they also get their medical care. The U.K. has a better system in many ways. Canada has a better system. I don't understand why the U.S. insists on sticking to this broken system of care.
I am not going to tell you that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger because I hate that statement. I will say that I think you are admirably strong, but there is nothing wrong with acknowledging your pain and frustration. I hope that knowing that people care about you can help a little. I wish I could do something to make things better.

Mike Golch said...

Sorry that you are struggling.I wish I could reach throught the computer and give you a hug.

June_Butterfly said...

HI,Wanda.Been awhile.So sad to hear about your predicament.Wish life is easier for all of us.Financial stuffs do tend to pull people down.I hope that there is a way for you to overcome this problem.

Reaching out is always a good thing.Knowing you're not alone gives light to dark paths.We are here.Though I can't go online much due to personal reasons,I am always someone who wish you well,always.(HUGS)

Tracy said...

I agree with Faycin A Croud...I detest that saying and whoever made it up hasn't been through such difficult circumstances. I also agree with Mollye...perhaps volunteer somewhere, an animal shelter or soup kitchen becuase then it forces you to be around other people and perhaps helping others will help you feel better about you and the things going on in your life.
I do think your thoughts are hovering on dangerous and I worry for you! Do you have a plan of what you could do if you come to that point where you want to hurt yourself? someone you can talk to face to face?
I think it is great you are posting...I want you to keep doing that but sometimes you also need to cry and hug and be comforted...
please be good to yourself and be sure to check back in so we know you are okay; will you please?
I'll check back...

Tracy said...

I'm checkin' back in on you to see how you are feeling...please take good care of yourself!

NOS said...

Wanda, please hang on. I can only imagine how awful you are feeling at the moment. Reach out. You don't have to do this on your own. I know you have friends that care for you very much. And you have your blogging community as well. Use us!

(((Wanda)))

Wishing you well,
NOS

Just Be Real said...

Wanda I am so very your struggle dear one. Here listening. ((((Wanda))))

Faycin A Croud said...

Just stopping by to say that I am thinking about you.