Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Terrified


I hate to admit it, but every since I lost Chris I am terrified of being in the hospital. I can't believe how scared I am. I know I really need this surgery, but I am so tempted to back out. I was a nurse for a long time and to be so afraid of the hospital is very illogical. I not afraid of the pain, because I live with so much pain anyway. It's the idea of trusting my life to someone else. I know attitude can have an impact on how you do, so I've got to pull myself together. It is just the whole trust issue. I just am not a trusting person I guess. What is wrong with me any way???? I just be fine. They do these surgery all the time. Piece  of cake right? 

9 comments:

Tracy said...

Wanda's Wings,
What it sounds like to me is a few things...one, you're still dealing with loss and all that it entails; anxiety, safety, security and now it is all spilling onto your experience of two, needing surgery. This in and of itself is an anxiety filled situation so even without the other baggage, it would still be difficult.
Maybe you can journal and get all of the 'stuff' out on paper then burn it to relinquish it to the Heaven's. In the meantime, ask yourself, would it make a difference if you cancelled and did the surgery at another time or would you still have the same fears and anxieties?
If so, then go ahead and get it over with! I read a book once titled, 'Feel the Fear and do it Anyway!' and sometimes in spite of ourselves, it just needs to be done.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a sense of calm and peace within.

Faycin A Croud said...

I would ask for a mild sedative. I am afraid of going to the hospital too. I have really bad veins so they end up having to put the IV in my jugular unless it is just for a very short procedure.
My son always says "I don't want to do this but if I get it done I'll never have to do it again in my life!" I always take this wisdom from him whenever I'm stuck doing anything I really don't want to do.
Ask for the sedative--no need to be a hero in situations such as this! And forgive yourself for being scared. After all, we aren't going to the hospital to have a good time!

Faycin A Croud said...

BTW, I have not had a gynecological exam in 20 years because I get so creeped out by them, in spite of the fact that I know the doctor is not a pervert getting off on examining my parts. I too am in the medical field, so talk about "irrational." But phobias have a rational basis. Something happened to trigger them. Whether it was a small thing or a large thing, your fear, while technically "irrational" is not ridiculous, and we all have something that triggers us.
I am wishing the best for you during this time.

63mago said...

When I went to the hospital some weeks ago I was anxious. At te first possible chance I asked for the make-me-happy-pill and got it. The idea that an operation is performed on my body is not nice, but as you say - they know what they do. WHen you are there, on the ward and all, you will recognize a lot, it will be familiar in a way. Your chances are good. When you stop it now you will have to reppeat the whole thing in some months and in between your walking will not become better. And in the end you'll find yerself in the same situation. Good luck. No worries.

Bobbi said...

I'm not sure what procedure you're having done, but I've been getting some things done lately that I've been terrified of myself... gynecology-wise- Trusting is a hard thing to do in the flesh, but if you talk to God and ask Him to give you peace, He will. You are in my prayers!!

Just Be Real said...

((((Wanda))))
Here listening dear....

NOS said...

I can understand why hospitals would make you nervous given your recent experience with one. And trust is always difficult. Is there some way you can get to know your doctor or surgeon better? Like, schedule another consultation or something to express your fears? I don't know if that's possible or practical, but it could possibly be helpful.

I hope you don't back out of the surgery. I know how much you need it, and you deserve to have a good lifestyle. I'm here supporting you throughout the whole thing, no matter what happens.

Wishing you well,
NOS

RCUBEs said...

I worked in an Orthopedic setting for 10 years before coming to prison. I pray that it will bring comfort when I tell you that the technology we have nowadays and great nurses who know what to do postop truly make a difference in the recovery process.I pray that you'll love the CPM machine that will exercise your knees. Praying for the Lord's strength, comfort and healing and His presence to be felt by you so you can let go of that fear. It's understandable sister. Take care and God bless.

June_Butterfly said...

Never had a major operation so can't truly comprehend your fears.But I understand that hesitation to trust.Being a nurse doesn't mean you're immune to being human,Wanda.You have every right to feel fear and anxiety over this operation.But if this is really needed then I guess it would be good to get it done and over with as early as possible.

Like what you said,piece of cake.(HUGS)