Monday, January 19, 2009

Home Work

Since my bi-polar is more stable than it has been in two years, my doctor has requested my therapist work on my PTSD. She is concerned about how frequently I dissociate and/or back out. I have done this all my life, but I am really afraid of going back into my past history. Medical records,scars, and witness have told me things that I still find hard to believe. My own memories are there,but "not real". It's like I can sometime see and feel the pain, but it's not really me. I don't know how to explain what I mean. I can say I was sexual abused as a child, but it is words. I can say there was physical abuse, but again it is just words. The pains and the dreams I feel now are real,but not. I really feel it, but there is no one here. I am not even sure where here is when it happens. My mind can not comprehend that these things did happen. I hope my therapist is good.


Juri said...

I stumbled on your blog...and when I read your post I wanted to tell you...for those who have had any abuse in their lives, believe me, what you said is not "only words"!!! God bless you and give you peace!


Mike Golch said...

one thing at a time one step at a time,you can do that.

Jade said...

I'm so glad to hear that things are a bit more stable for you wanda. I have sent out many prayers for you.

I think its pretty normal to be able to say things and not feel them. But if you have a good therapist they will guide you through safely to explore those words and understand them, and then release them.

Big hugs to you my friend. Stay strong.

Ohhh, and I can't figure out how to add you to my bold blend blog without your email addy. So if you want to be a reader can you please email me your email addy? I have a link to my email on my blog page.

Dr. Deb said...

Sending you healing thoughts. And remember to take things at your pace, within your comfort zone.

Linda said...

take it one step at a time and remember God is with you. You can do it!!...hugs.. It's never easy to relive..I call it relive when you have to bring it up and work through it. I find that it's pretty painful. I have never experienced what you have gone through..just a lot of verbal abuse growing up & I find it very hard to sit and talk to my therapist about it and think about the memories. I, like you, can say it..but it's totally different sitting there and reliving it and working through it so you can be healed.

Raine said...

I wish you a good therapist that you feel comfortable with