Oklahoma Hit Again

Oklahoma was hit again with tornadoes last night. Eight are dead and there is a missing 3 year old. This family needs our prayers because they lost a 15 month old in the storms.

Alice and I went to the storm shelter when the alarm was sounded. I was very worried about Alice because she was on crutches. She made it fine, in facts she ended up driving me to the hospital. In the storm shelter she was having a panic attack, so I was standing up to give her room to get to some fresh air. When I stood up my blood pressure apparently drop out because I passed out an fell flat on my face. I am just so thankful I did not fall on the five small children that were in front of me sitting on the floor. I ended up with a broken foot and now can not bear any weight on it until I see the orthopedic doctor in 3 to 5 days. They said it was a clean break and should heal up OK. Like I say I am just thankful it wasn't anything serious.

We do need to pray for all the families that lost so much. 

We Made It

Alice and I are back home safely. Still have to unpack the van in the morning, Going to try and get some rest now.

Getting Ready To Hit The Road

S and I are getting ready to make the finale arrangements to hit the road. It's suppose to rain tomorrow as we head out. Alice is going to be busy tomorrow closing accounts and finale packing tomorrow. I think she is happy about the move.

I never been on a road trip that is this long before so I am kind of anxious. It's about a 19 hour drive one way and we are going to drive it in two days so we won't be driving at night.That's a long way to be in a crowded vehicle, but I sure everything will go OK.

I'll be off line until Monday or Tuesday. My house is suppose to show again in a little bit. The housing market is so depressed right now and loans are hard to get especially for a used mobile home. Of course if it sold tomorrow and not sure what I would do at this point. So maybe things will work out in the right time frame. It's about time for the showing so I guess I'll close for now. It early but I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Two Days

Well it two days until we head out to get Alice. I'm excited and nervous. It's a very long trip. Road trip!!! Oh my.

 I am on the manic side, still not sleeping, but don't feel a need for sleep. I am hoping all goes well. Alice has her last appointment with her therapist today and her last appointment with her PCP Thursday. I'm going to try and get some CD to take on the trip. We will have a GPS so hopefully we won't get lost. Wish us luck and safe travel.

I Hate You Scale!

I have been trying to follow my meal plan and exercise everyday. I followed my therapist advise and stopped weighing everyday and it has come back to bite me in the butt. The number has gone up and my clothes are too tight. I'm going to have to cut way back on what I'm eating. I haven't been eating out so that is NOT the problem. I just can not seem to win. Today I'm going to half everything and double the exercise. I just can not gain weight and got to drop the stupid pounds I put on.

Would someone be willing to share a meal plan that works?

I Want My Blog To Be

I want my blog to be a place of

1. Healing
2. Love
3. Caring
4. Sharing
5. Hope
6. Dreams
7. Honesty
8. Warmth
9. Information
10. Inspiration
11. Comfort
12. Safety
13. Welcome thoughts
14. Diversity
15. Freedom

May Be A Bit Manic

I may be a bit manic. I'm not sleeping and wanting to spend money. I also want to be anywhere except at home. I am in a good mood. I don't know if the exercise is causing me to feel better or what. Yesterday went fairly well. I did pretty good with my meal plan and did everything else on my list.

Today I have to go see the GI specialist. I have been having some stomach and bowel problems. I sure he is going to want to do a scope. Ugh!

Since I was up most of the night I have already got a lot done. I am really going to have to watch my spending when I in this kind of mood. Alice has really bad allergies right now. I hope that that is all it is and not an infection. It so humid right now that I am just burning up.

Y and I are planing a little trip the second weekend of June,  Today S and I will decide what day we are going to pick up Alice. That is going to be a long trip! Going to be busy the next few weeks, but I am ready for it.



 

New Day

Today is a new day. What am I going to make of it? 

1. I'm going to follow my meal plan today. I can do anything for 24 hours
2. I'm going to talk with my daughter and friends
3. I'm am going to be honest to my heavenly Father. Talk and let Him know how I feel.
4. I'm going to exercise.
5. I'm going to log in my "thankful journal"

Take life one day at a time and live it to it fullest
 

Wonderful Daughter

I am so lucky to have Alice as my daughter.

Click to enlarge picture.

Walls

I find safety in the walls I have built to protect myself.  The problem is the walls keep me from experiencing life. I shut myself away to keep from being harmed, but it limits myself to feeling love. Real love is something that always seems right outside my reach. I desperately need it , but am afraid that I will be hurt. Some people in my life looked beyond my walls of protection and reached inside to love me. The only unconditional love I  believe I have felt was for my children. I have some wonderful friends that except me with all my flaws. yet I fully don't trust that I will not be hurt. Abuse has caused me to build these walls.  Only love can tear them down so I won't be afraid to feel again.

Sunday Sketches

Victorian Lady

This one did not copy well.

Wishing Everybody A Happy  Mother's Day!

Having Trouble Today

I am having emotional trouble today. I can not stop thinking of Chris. I tried reading some blogs and they are about Mother's Day.  This has always been a difficult day for me, but now that I have lost my youngest child it is almost unbearable. My thoughts are dark and scary. I might email my therapist because I don't really trust myself.

I celebrate Alice and my love for her. It is what is keeping me going, She says a card is in the mail and that will mean the world to me. Why does this have to be so hard? Holding on for dear life.

Unexpected Love

I received an unexpected gift today for a young lady from the church. It was angel touching a little boy's head. She said it was angles watching over Chris. Yes I cried. I set the angle by karate pictures of Chris' and  I .

Being a mother is God's greatest gift. My most precious memories are of my children.  I love you Alice and Chris.

Few Good Things.

Today I am thankful that a few good things happened today.

• I got to spend the afternoon with my good friend Y

• I found out I can get 4 of my prescriptions  for free by using the mail order company through my insurance company.

• The house showed today.

My nerves are still shot, but I want to remember to be thankful for the good things each day. I am still very concerned about Alice.  I cried like a baby when the couple that looked at the house ask if my son had gone off to college. I told them that I had lost him very unexpectedly to an illness. I spent the next hour crying and looking at his pictures after they had left.

Friendly Encouragement

I meet a friend yesterday and we had a cup of tea together. It was a nice time to talk, We talked about everything. We hadn't seen each other in a while. It was encouraging and uplifting, We talked about the possibility of me going back to school. Yes at my "old age". So many things are up in the air that I'm not sure. It was an interesting thought. It might give me some understanding in to myself if I took some physiology classes.

Today has been a little rough. I went through some of Chris'  stuff and took another bag to Good Will.  I then went to see him. I still cry like a baby. I needed to do it because if Alice does move back I would need the space. I still am so stressed and depressed. I didn't sleep at all last night which is no good. I guess thing will eventually get better even if the track record is bad.

I'm so thankful for all the encouragement that is given to me by my blogging friends.

Wish I Could Go To Sleep And Never Wake Up

I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I am so tired of all the sadness and stress. I just tired of being so unhappy. I see my therapist today which is probably a good thing. She says she is the eternal optimist and feel things will get better for me. This song keeps running through my head. Hopefully I feel better soon.

Mental Health Awareness Month

 May  is Mental Health Awareness Month 

There a several types of mental illness. I will give a little information about a few of them.

If left untreated, bipolar disorder can be particularly dangerous. From 15 to 17 percent of untreated cases end in suicide (compared to about 10 percent of untreated major depression sufferers).

One of the most challenging mental disorders to identify accurately and treat appropriately is schizoaffective disorder. This condition involves both psychotic symptoms and conspicuous, long-enduring, severe symptoms of mood disorder. The cluster of symptoms experienced by persons with schizoaffective disorder can resemble—at various times in its course—bipolar disorder, major depressive episode with psychotic features, or schizophrenia.

Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by intense fear related to being in situations from which escape might be difficult or embarrassing (i.e., being on a bus or train), or in which help might not be available in the event of a panic attack or panic symptoms. Panic is defined as extreme and unreasonable fear and anxiety.

People with PTSD have persistent frightening thoughts and memories of their ordeal and feel emotionally numb, especially with people they were once close to. They may experience sleep problems, feel detached or numb, or be easily startled. More about Signs & Symptoms »

Depression is a serious biologic disease that affects millions of people each year. The encouraging news is that it may be successfully treated. 

Eating disorders refer to a group of conditions defined by abnormal eating habits that may involve either insufficient or excessive food intake to the detriment of an individual's physical and mental health.

I have just listed illness that have personally effected members of my own family.