Monday, December 28, 2009

Really Struggling

I made it to my therapy and doctors appointment. In town the roads are in good shape. I have really been struggling really want to self harm, but know it will only let me feel better for a few moments. Therapy digging into my past has been so hard. Knowing how bad it was has made me so angry! I just want to tear something up. In fact I think I will find something harmless to destroy.

16 comments:

Gaia said...

Whoa! Wanda maybe you should get a punching bag, that might help. Take care dear. Hugs.

HOPELESSBELIEVER said...

WAnda,
I know it is hard, but I'm glad you are getting angry, it's good for you.
And yes! Find something harmless to destroy! Don't destroy yourself, please, none of it was your fault. YOu aren't the one that needs to keep suffering for others acts against you. Remember, and keep saying it to yourself, None of it was my fault!!!
Hang in there my friend,
Julian :)

Prayer Girl said...

What a great idea. Find something harmless to destroy. I've heard women say they went out into the woods with dishes and threw them, broke them. That would be too violent and loud for me. The punching bag idea is a good one or just hit a pillow. Whatever it takes to get those feelings out of the inside of you without self-harming.

Prayers,
PG

Mike Golch said...

drop kick a couch pillow ar any other thing that can be replaced.YOU CANNOT BE.I'VE BEEN THERE WHERE SELF HARM SOUNDS GOOD,BUT JUST REMEMBER SUSICIDE IS A PERMINATE SOLUTION TO A TEMPORY PROBLEM. BESIDES I'D WANT TO LOSE A FRIEND LIKE YOU.

Andrea said...

Just do NOT harm yourself. Find a punching bag or something harmless, but do NOT allow yourself to hurt yourself.
Praying extra hard for you. Hang in there!
andrea

RCUBEs said...

May God keep you...Let Him hold you ever so close. Take care of yourself sister and be strong in the Lord's mighty power!

Finally Free said...

Hi Wanda,
I totally relate to the anger you are feeling. I would scream, beat the couch, rip phone books. One time I destroyed an old stereo when I was angry. I broke the whole thing!

I used to write really mean letters to my Dad and rip them up.

I know this is hard, but is an important step in the healing process.

It is so important to give your feelings a voice.

Sending Hugs your way.

Blessings,
Tammy

NOS said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling, but I'm so glad to hear that you're holding on and making choices to keep yourself safe. Therapy is incredibly difficult, but maybe it will have some beneficial effects. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Keep on staying strong,
NOS

Wanda's Wings said...

I have beaten up a couple of pillows which did help. Yelling under my breath also helped. Thank you for your concerns and prayer. You also gave me some good suggestions and help me understand this is part of the healing process.

Colleen said...

I used to hit my water bed! It was like a punching bag! Hugs and prayers.

Cheesemeister said...

Sometimes I wonder if all the digging does more harm than good. I have gone into a therapist's office feeling okay and come out mad for a week. Just know that none of what happened is your fault. There's no need to relive it--though sometimes memories are triggered by everyday events. Damn everyone who put those memories there to hell.

Ethereal Highway said...

I'm SO happy to hear about the pillows!!

{{{{{{{{Wanda}}}}}}}}

Wonderingsoul said...

Here and listening Wanda.
It's so hard.
I'm glad that you are feeling a tiny bit less like harming.
Love to you.
xxx

IK said...

Please do not harm yourself. You are too worthy for that. I'm glad you hit some pillows, I like doing that too. Sometimes writing out angry thoughts helps me too.

Take care! *hugs*

<3

Just Be Real said...

(((((Wanda)))))
I so do understand!!!!!

Saranne said...

My favorite thing that worked for me when I wanted to just oblitrate something: I took pie plates, sprayed them with PAM, filled them to about 1/3 full with water, and stuck them in the freezer. There was something SO satisfying about taking them out and smashing them on the back yard patio! Anger is a normal emotion - just overwhelming when we come to recognize it in ourselves....