Monday, July 13, 2009


I am very confused about God most of the time. I have a friend who used to be my pastor.He showed me what I believed was what God's love is suppose to be like. His name is Randy.You see, I am most frighten of most people.Me and my family would be listed in the dictionary under dysfunctional. I am bi-polar with severe PTSD. Both of my children suffer from major depression and anxiety disorders. Many times "church people" turn away from me and my family. I feel pain when this happens. Randy tells me God loves me and my children the way we are and only wants to help with the pain. My question is why is there so much pain? I know Jesus went through pain, but I am not that strong. I have read other people blogs that seem to struggle with this. Another thing that bothers me is that churches seem to care more for you if you have money. They seem to want undamaged,wealthy people.( NO PROBLEMS PLEASE!) My new pastor won't even talk with you about problems. Is that how God feels?


Ethereal Highway said...

Maybe if I were an undamaged, wealthy person, I wouldn't be so hostile when it comes to churches and religions. It sounds like Randy was a rare egg. Why would you imagine that some idiot preacher truly represents God when he acts nothing like Jesus does in the Gospels? Jesus would never behave that way.

Dreaming again said...

Randy was a blessed rare egg, but he's telling you the truth ..and your current pastor ..well, you know how I feel about him. He does just want undamaged healthy, wealthy people ...which, in my opinion, Wanda, my dear friend, makes him significantly more damaged and less attractive than YOU!!

God's love is not what churches give ... God's love isn't even the love that you've recieved from Randy's infinitely more and more perfect.

Why is there pain? Because we as humans have free will to behave as we want, which inflicts pain. The flip side is without it, no one would have the choice to worship God or make their own path, we'd be little robots who never experienced pain or fear ...or joy or elation.

I'm so sorry things are hard for you. There are those of us who love you matter what.

Love you, dearly, my friend!

Marj aka Thriver said...

What the heck? Your new pastor won't even talk about problems? I've never heard of such a thing. I thought many pastors were even also counselors. I'm so sorry. That sucks and you don't deserve that.

jumpinginpuddles said...

umm is lost as to why a pastor wouldnt tlak to you about issues, but then again pastors who profess Jesus by preaching alone are not pastors in my eyes.

and the debates stil lraging on our blog if you want to revisit.

Dreaming again said...

Marj and Jumping .. her new pastor is not a counselor, will refer, but won't counsel. Period.

I'm not real sure what all he does but try to make the church look attractive to those with $$ so that they'll come and donate their $$ to make him look like a good pastor.

Tea With Tiffany said...

This is not how God feels. He wants the broken, the dirty kneed child. He runs to the worst of dysfunction.

I am sorry to read about the way you feel others treat you and your family. May God grant you real relationships that accept you right where you are at. With no "wealthy" strings attached.

You have a purpose in the family of God. You have value. It's firm and established. No pastor can steal that from you. It's sealed in Jesus.

God bless you. I hope the confusion passes. And soon.


Colleen said...

Tiffany's comment said it well. God loves you more than you can even imagine.
Look for a pastor and a community who knows what it means to try to love like Jesus. The key word - try. Even pastors are human and imperfect. But God is perfect. And He is with you through it all, no matter what it feels like. He is there. Prayers and hugs.

Jackles111 said...

Jesus sought out the weak and condemned, the poor and the sick. He ate dinner with thieves and spent time with prostitutes. On the flip side he told a rich man he was going to Hell because of his inability to part with his money. Jesus epitomized perfection. Sadly, no one, not even pastors, can be Jesus. God does love you very much, and he will help you with your burdens. I've come to realize when I feel alone it's not because God left me, but because I have walked away from Him. That is my choice as a human, and that is my tendency as a fallen, sinful being. Stay close to God and He won't abandon you.