Thursday, June 26, 2008

Flashback


"trigger warning" My sister coming to visit has trigger some memories and causes me to have some dreams and now a feeling flashback. My sister helped me remember a lot of my lost childhood memories. The flashback hit me fast last night.So fast I could not get any one for help. Curled up in a fetal position I felt his cold rough hands pulling my hands and legs away from my body. A sharp sting cross my face as the taste of blood fills my mouth. Again I feel his rough hands pulling on my pj bottoms.I pull back and hang on to them tightly until I feel another burning slap on my mouth and more bloody taste fills mouth. I shut my eyes and leave. Kicking and screaming a small voice fights his tightening grip. Then the pain down there. So much pain. Sobbing and praying this would end. Icky hot stuff all over my leg as he moans and groans. It didn't happen. Sobbing and shaking mes knows it happened again.

6 comments:

Mary said...

I am so sorry for your flashbacks, it is so hard to handle and remember, my flashbacks feel the same way, and seem to be there constantly, take care and be gentle with yourself..Mary

Mike Golch said...

Wanda,My flash backs are not as bad as yours.I pray that hgealing comes you way,and the terror subsides as it has for me. God bless you my friend.my he hold you in his arms and confort you as he has done for me this week.

keepers said...

DearWanda

Your picture is right, it should never hurt to be a child or to have some of the memories we have as a child. Please give that little girl a safe hug from us and tell her she NOT deserve to be hurt like that.

hugs to all
keepers

Andrew said...

Hi Wanda,

That is so sad. I hope time brings you more and more inner peace, and pushes out more and more of the pain.

I thought you might be interested to know that I broke down and posted a new Dismaying Story.

Lily Strange said...

We never know what is going to trigger us. I guess in the long run its best to know what we've repressed, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

Clueless said...

My flashbacks are like that. I can feel, smell, hear, taste and see what happened. It is terrifying all over again. Try to stay grounded in the present with an object or just telling yourself that this is my sofa or couch or home or blanket. I didn't have that then. And so on. It might help some, but it will still be painful,but hopefully not as crazy feeling. I too am struggling with flashbacks and have been for five years...maybe, I should not have said that...it does get better, I can tell you that.