WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL?????

Why do I have to be crazy wild without sleep or some kind of spending spree or in some one face or so low I can't lift my head up??? I just feel like crying my eyes out. I want to talk with some one. I am so lonely. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

HOPE

This has really been a rough year for me. So many changes, so many loses, so many tears. I have had to see people I really loved and cared about leave. I have had to stop working due to increased health problems. I have had to try to adjust to living on disability. I have found out that you can't trust some people just because they have a title and are suppose to have your best interest at heart. My faith has been shaken but not broken. My heart wounded, but still is beating on. I live through my past, so I will make it now. I know that everything will work out if I continue to do my part and not give up. I am so thankful for all the support everyone gives me.

OH WHAT FUN WE HAD!

What a few weeks I have had! I did see my Psychiatrist that started me on Tegretol in addition to my Geodon. It did finally stop the manic episode that lasted 9 days. Unfortunately I had a severe reaction to the medication after about 10 days. Hives, blisters and breathing problems. In fact I still have some of the blisters and looks like burns on my skin from the reaction even though I have been on large amount of steroids (which is already starting the hypo mania again!) Needless to say off the Tegretol and up the Geodon. Anyway I doing a bit better for a little while. We will see what happens next. Thanks for checking in on me!

I've been awake for three nights in a row. I'm making terrible decisions. I finally asked my son to keep me in the house so I won't do any thing crazy! My son say I'm too emo right now. I am so hyper my skin is crawling! I hate it when I'm like this. I really do a piss poor job with my money and always get into some type of trouble. If this continues another day I'm going to call my psychiatrist. ANY suggestions to come down from this?

Been out of the loop

I have been out of the loop for a while. My life has been turn upside down and I am trying to put things back in some kind of order. Some good news is I have lost 40 lbs which will help my joint and walking. I having some trouble with the fact that my former psychiatrist lost his licence for being inappropriate with some female patients. My problem is, I don't know what is inappropriate touch for a doctor and a patient. I really liked him and fully trusted him,

Asking for HELP

I've been struggling for some time now and I am exhausted mentally and physically. So much has happen that I just can not pull myself together. I have e-mailed a few people asking for help,but have not received any answers. I feel my life is totally out of control and I don't know where to turn. My new doctor has been really changing my meds around. My mood swings are now rapid and drastic. Can anyone help me understand what is going on and if this is going to get better? Please give me some hope.

Ice Storm

Tulsa had the worst ice storm ever. There were thousand of power outages. We were without power for 5 days and came back up today. It was freezing cold in the house. It was amazing to see everyone working together. There are still thousand of people with out power. the damage to the town has been terrible. I feel very blessed that no trees fell on the house. My dear friend is still without power. I am going to see if she and her family want to come here.

Christmas Time

The Christmas tree is up, packages being wrapped, and time to remember the good times. Some memories are not so good, but I try to think of the times with my children and friends. It is also a time to remember the real reason for Christmas. I am thankful for all the wonderful people in my life. Merry Christmas to all my friends!

Better

The doctor has placed me on a second anti depressant as well as the mood stabilizer. We were thinking of putting me in the hospital over Thanksgiving. I am so thankful for my blogger friend and others that stood behind me.

Don't Know

I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am really struggling to keep my head above water. This has been one of the longest depression I have had. I see my doctor next week, but even the simplest task are difficult. I'm sorry I have dropped off the face of the earth, but it is simply all I can do to get up and go. I'm sorry if I have disappointed anyone. I'll try to do better.

oh where oh where

I'm posting in my friends absence ...just because I can ....

Oh where oh where has my wanda friend gone ...oh where oh where could she be?
Has she gone off to market to buy her a dog? Oh where ohe where could she be???


Please ...please post dear ... you're missed so mucy I used my access to your blog to hijack a post to tell you just how much you're MISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in the meantime ... Samuel's turned 18 ...Don's been sick ... I've been sick ... and my mamma's fallen off the proverbial rocker ...again.

Please Wanda ... I want my wanda ...

I was twirling my nieces baton today and she said " I never could do that. Where did you learn how to do that?"

Hm, um ..er .. gee ... the FIVE YEARS of BATON lessons you PAID FOR?????to watch me march down the parade????? HELLO????

hmmmmmmmmm

anyway ... I see Dr. G on Monday ...too much to discuss with her ... like my blood tests that show malnutrition in more than one area ...yikes. So much trouble.

I like her. I just miss Dr. Bobblehead.

I miss you.

Are you coming Wednesday ??

Down

Seems like the last few days have been harder and harder to reach out to people. I really need some help dealing with all these emotions right now and I can't reach out to anyone. It may just be a mood swing, but I am so down in the dumps. I just want to stay away from everyone and everything. I know I need to ask for help, but I am too exhausted to try. Does anyone have any suggestions to help get out of this slump?

Mixed Emotions

I'm having mixed emotions about the move. I like the mobile home ,but am feeling a real sense of lost over the house. I'm hoping the house sells soon. We still have to finish cleaning and move some odds and ends, but the main part is done. I'm really tired so this will be a short post.

I'm taking a week off and going out of town. I hoping the change will do me some good. Too many things are changing too fast and I just need a break. Today was my last day with Dr Mitchell. I cried and he hug me and said he would miss me. He invited me to his church, so I might try it some time. I find it so hard to connect to people and trust them. This has been a real rough year for me. It seems it has been one lost after another. I am holding on, but sometimes I don't know how. I guess I just have to believe that God is in control, because my life is sure a mess. I believe there must be angles watching over me to keep me from doing some really stupid stuff. Thank you all for all your support. Maybe after a week off I'll feel better.

I'm feeling exhausted these days. Too many things going on at one time. I think my mood is more stable than it was. I've been cleaning out closets and packing. It is totally amazing what you collect over ten years. I am throwing stuff out right and left. I figure if I haven't used it in two-three years that I don't really need it. I'm hurting like a BIG DOG right now from all the packing. We aren't moving until the first of October, but that is only 5 weeks. My last appointment with my doctor is on the seventh of this month.I am going to miss him something terrible! I so afraid I won't click with the new one which is set up for October. When I slow down I still feel sad, so I'm trying to keep busy and not think about everything.

Change

I'm fighting depression right now due to all the changes in my life. I am really scared about what is going to happen next and if I will be able to stay in touch with reality. I am really struggling with the desire to SI. I know there are people that care about me, but I am pulling into my shell more and more. I want to make sure I am doing the right thing. I can't believe how unsure of myself I am right now. What is wrong with me?

Honest

Right now I am struggling with my life in general. Too many losses in less than a year. I just found out my physician is leaving and I am going to have to find someone else to see. I'm not over losing my pastor yet! Now someone else that I trust is going to be unavailable to me. I'm also going to lose my house. Being on disability is not enough to make the payment. I keep trying to put on a happy face, but I'm not doing too good of job at it. I feel so abandoned. My faith is weak right now. I'm trying to be strong but I'm not quite making it. Maybe it just the time of year for things to be going wrong. I do know I am not alone, but it still feels that way.

It has been wild and crazy in my life. I'm not sure if I am coming or going. I have missed seeing and talking to every body on line. It been really hot here. Over 100 for the last few days. So "HI" and good wishes to everyone!

Normal?

I've been in a manic phase for about two week and am finally coming down. It was "Fun" for a while, but then things started getting bad. Being manic can be a real drag, when you bite every ones head off and do crazy stuff. I'm worried about becoming super depressed next, but my doctor is on top of my medications. It has finally stopped raining here. We have had so much rain my yard was semi flooded for a while. I'll try to get around to everyone blog soon.

Is there ever any stable days in being bi-polar??? Seems I am always either depressed or doing some crazy thing ( like spending money I don't have!) Then after I make some foolish mistakes, I can't get out of bed for days. The Geodon seems to help some, but I am so tired of this. I keep putting my foot in my mouth and say what ever pops into my head. Does anyone have any suggestions??