Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Intense Therapy Part I

We started what my therapist called intense therapy today. We went over a line graft about when the abuse started and how it continued into a bad marriage. Things were pretty painful. We talked about how my childhood set me up for a bad marriage. How I severely lacked knowledge to know what was normal and not abusive.The session made me kind of sick at my stomach. She said to keep a record of my dreams and flashbacks,because the deeper we go the more likely I will have some "bad ones".

We talked about the guilt I felt for both my childhood abuse and for not realizing that all homes were not violent. She ask if my children knew that I loved them and that is one thing I know for sure that my children knew I loved them. My regret about my marriage is I did not leave sooner. The physical abuse in the marriage was always directed at me. My X was verbally abusive to the children. I was the "bread winner",because his temper caused him to loose many jobs. I feel guilty that I left them home with him. At the time I thought it was the best thing. Again if I could do it all over I would have divorced the man a lot sooner.

9 comments:

Just Be Real said...

Dear one I appreciate so much you sharing about some of your t. session today.

I am just so sorry for the abuse you had to endure growing up and into your adult years. So glad that your children are reassured that you do love them!!!

Wanda, you did not know at the time that leaving your children with him at home was wrong. Look at it this way, God still protected them.

((((Wanda))) Hugs to you dear....

RCUBEs said...

Praying for the Lord to sustain you with His strength as you go through this tough period of remembering old hurtful memories. Blessings to you.

sarah said...

I feel so much like you although I haven't had the abusive marriage.But all that other stuff, the abuse, the rape made me crazy. I too thought it was normal although I did feel different. Praying for you. Sarah

jumpinginpuddles said...

i think some therapy appointments are so hard but im glad you found out that who you wre with as far as a husband wasnt good for you.

IK said...

I wish you well with your therapy and hope it brings you peace with the past. There can be so much regret and guilt associated with how one reacts to such abuse. I'm glad your children know you love them, that is one of the most important things to know! Take care! <3

Wonderingsoul said...

Understanding that feeling o being sick to the stomach when talking about painful things.
Thank you for sharing.

Warm hug (if ok)

X

Prayer Girl said...

God can bring healing to any situation. Had you known differently, you would have done differently. You didn't know.

God can take away your guilt. You have nothing to be guilty about.

PG

NOS said...

That does sound like intense therapy. How are you handling it? Well, I hope. But hopefully from this intensity will develop long-lasting and satisfying recovery. I'm rooting for you.

Wanda's Wings said...

I'm having flashbacks and dreams. My awakening thoughts are also involved,with the treatment. I am hopeful this will make things better.