We started what my therapist called intense therapy today. We went over a line graft about when the abuse started and how it continued into a bad marriage. Things were pretty painful. We talked about how my childhood set me up for a bad marriage. How I severely lacked knowledge to know what was normal and not abusive.The session made me kind of sick at my stomach. She said to keep a record of my dreams and flashbacks,because the deeper we go the more likely I will have some "bad ones".
We talked about the guilt I felt for both my childhood abuse and for not realizing that all homes were not violent. She ask if my children knew that I loved them and that is one thing I know for sure that my children knew I loved them. My regret about my marriage is I did not leave sooner. The physical abuse in the marriage was always directed at me. My X was verbally abusive to the children. I was the "bread winner",because his temper caused him to loose many jobs. I feel guilty that I left them home with him. At the time I thought it was the best thing. Again if I could do it all over I would have divorced the man a lot sooner.