Really Fighting Depression Right Now

I am really fighting depression right now. I don't know why it is so bad right now but it is. It could be the fact that   I am so stranded since neither Alice or myself can drive right now. It might be the heat or the fact that I can not afford to see my therapist. I am doing everything possible to not let this get me down so low that I can not pull myself up. I am reading a good book on depression but it is so hard to consecrate on what I am reading, Will touch base with everyone later.

Monday Monday

 It's Monday & 102 In the shade. Keep cool!

Wow Two Of Us Wounded

Last night Alice was in a near car auto accident. Good news is she did not hit the car. Bad news she injured her knee and can not walk or drive right now. That leaves us both unable to drive! This too shall pass.

This And That

Saw my orthopedic doctor yesterday and he said the bones in my foot where healing very slowly. I see him again in two weeks and if it continues to heal  I won;t need surgery. I an to take it easy until I see him, but I no longer have to be on bed rest.

Princess is feeling better and has done a good job taking her medicine,  She doesn't seem to mind the special diet food  she has to be on.

I started reading Dr Deb's new book and it is very good. I would recommend it to anyone that battles depression.

My friend Y won a 2 day trip and I am going with her for  a few days. I  hope I won't be a total drag with my foot in this will have to take it easy,but you just can't pass up a free get away.

Alice and I are doing well and she has been a life savior with my  broken foot,  I think she is glad to be back in Tulsa.

Sick Pussy Cat

I just got Princess back from the vet today. She  had a severe infection and now needs a  special diet due to her age. She goes back to the vet in 10 days and is on antibiotics until then. Alice will be giving her the medicine because she can control her better than I can. At least she is going to be OK. 

Bed-rest

I am supposed to be on bed-rest until the 15th to give the bones in my foot time time to heal. I will have to wear the boot for two months because of the type of break it was. I am having a hard time staying down. I am such an active person. Alice and I have been having a good time together. Her leg seems to be getting a bit stronger. Holding my leg down really hurts. (Even in this hot old boot!)

I am really fighting the depression from lack of activity.I am so afraid I'm am going to gain weight. I know I obsess too much over this. Old habits are hard to break. I  have some time for reading which is good.

I have been looking at some of my daughter's catalogs.  I would really like to get our nails done if we can afford it this month. I just think that most of the time they are over priced.

I just found out that I loss some shingles in the last storm. I am having a roof man come later this week. It always something, but I could always be a lot worst.

I am so thankful for all the good things we have.

Not Feeling Well

I haven't been feeling well so it's been awhile since I blogged. Just wanted to let everybody know I'm OK and will try to get back in the swing of things soon.

Oklahoma Hit Again

Oklahoma was hit again with tornadoes last night. Eight are dead and there is a missing 3 year old. This family needs our prayers because they lost a 15 month old in the storms.

Alice and I went to the storm shelter when the alarm was sounded. I was very worried about Alice because she was on crutches. She made it fine, in facts she ended up driving me to the hospital. In the storm shelter she was having a panic attack, so I was standing up to give her room to get to some fresh air. When I stood up my blood pressure apparently drop out because I passed out an fell flat on my face. I am just so thankful I did not fall on the five small children that were in front of me sitting on the floor. I ended up with a broken foot and now can not bear any weight on it until I see the orthopedic doctor in 3 to 5 days. They said it was a clean break and should heal up OK. Like I say I am just thankful it wasn't anything serious.

We do need to pray for all the families that lost so much. 

We Made It

Alice and I are back home safely. Still have to unpack the van in the morning, Going to try and get some rest now.

Getting Ready To Hit The Road

S and I are getting ready to make the finale arrangements to hit the road. It's suppose to rain tomorrow as we head out. Alice is going to be busy tomorrow closing accounts and finale packing tomorrow. I think she is happy about the move.

I never been on a road trip that is this long before so I am kind of anxious. It's about a 19 hour drive one way and we are going to drive it in two days so we won't be driving at night.That's a long way to be in a crowded vehicle, but I sure everything will go OK.

I'll be off line until Monday or Tuesday. My house is suppose to show again in a little bit. The housing market is so depressed right now and loans are hard to get especially for a used mobile home. Of course if it sold tomorrow and not sure what I would do at this point. So maybe things will work out in the right time frame. It's about time for the showing so I guess I'll close for now. It early but I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Two Days

Well it two days until we head out to get Alice. I'm excited and nervous. It's a very long trip. Road trip!!! Oh my.

 I am on the manic side, still not sleeping, but don't feel a need for sleep. I am hoping all goes well. Alice has her last appointment with her therapist today and her last appointment with her PCP Thursday. I'm going to try and get some CD to take on the trip. We will have a GPS so hopefully we won't get lost. Wish us luck and safe travel.

I Hate You Scale!

I have been trying to follow my meal plan and exercise everyday. I followed my therapist advise and stopped weighing everyday and it has come back to bite me in the butt. The number has gone up and my clothes are too tight. I'm going to have to cut way back on what I'm eating. I haven't been eating out so that is NOT the problem. I just can not seem to win. Today I'm going to half everything and double the exercise. I just can not gain weight and got to drop the stupid pounds I put on.

Would someone be willing to share a meal plan that works?

I Want My Blog To Be

I want my blog to be a place of

1. Healing
2. Love
3. Caring
4. Sharing
5. Hope
6. Dreams
7. Honesty
8. Warmth
9. Information
10. Inspiration
11. Comfort
12. Safety
13. Welcome thoughts
14. Diversity
15. Freedom

May Be A Bit Manic

I may be a bit manic. I'm not sleeping and wanting to spend money. I also want to be anywhere except at home. I am in a good mood. I don't know if the exercise is causing me to feel better or what. Yesterday went fairly well. I did pretty good with my meal plan and did everything else on my list.

Today I have to go see the GI specialist. I have been having some stomach and bowel problems. I sure he is going to want to do a scope. Ugh!

Since I was up most of the night I have already got a lot done. I am really going to have to watch my spending when I in this kind of mood. Alice has really bad allergies right now. I hope that that is all it is and not an infection. It so humid right now that I am just burning up.

Y and I are planing a little trip the second weekend of June,  Today S and I will decide what day we are going to pick up Alice. That is going to be a long trip! Going to be busy the next few weeks, but I am ready for it.



 

New Day

Today is a new day. What am I going to make of it? 

1. I'm going to follow my meal plan today. I can do anything for 24 hours
2. I'm going to talk with my daughter and friends
3. I'm am going to be honest to my heavenly Father. Talk and let Him know how I feel.
4. I'm going to exercise.
5. I'm going to log in my "thankful journal"

Take life one day at a time and live it to it fullest
 

Wonderful Daughter

I am so lucky to have Alice as my daughter.

Click to enlarge picture.

Walls

I find safety in the walls I have built to protect myself.  The problem is the walls keep me from experiencing life. I shut myself away to keep from being harmed, but it limits myself to feeling love. Real love is something that always seems right outside my reach. I desperately need it , but am afraid that I will be hurt. Some people in my life looked beyond my walls of protection and reached inside to love me. The only unconditional love I  believe I have felt was for my children. I have some wonderful friends that except me with all my flaws. yet I fully don't trust that I will not be hurt. Abuse has caused me to build these walls.  Only love can tear them down so I won't be afraid to feel again.

Sunday Sketches

Victorian Lady

This one did not copy well.

Wishing Everybody A Happy  Mother's Day!

Having Trouble Today

I am having emotional trouble today. I can not stop thinking of Chris. I tried reading some blogs and they are about Mother's Day.  This has always been a difficult day for me, but now that I have lost my youngest child it is almost unbearable. My thoughts are dark and scary. I might email my therapist because I don't really trust myself.

I celebrate Alice and my love for her. It is what is keeping me going, She says a card is in the mail and that will mean the world to me. Why does this have to be so hard? Holding on for dear life.

Unexpected Love

I received an unexpected gift today for a young lady from the church. It was angel touching a little boy's head. She said it was angles watching over Chris. Yes I cried. I set the angle by karate pictures of Chris' and  I .

Being a mother is God's greatest gift. My most precious memories are of my children.  I love you Alice and Chris.