Dark Memories

Dark memories still fill my mind each day,
Like the fog in the damp and the cold.
They take me to dark places,
How can memories be so bold?

I try to fight these memories of old,
By puling my blanket over my head.
I know when they take me,
I will tremble in fear and dread.

How these memories from so long ago,
Still trouble me so deeply, even my soul?
Only a child then, these memories still have a hold.
To take me to dark places no one should go.

I try to rewrite new memories each day.
I look for new joy in all the good thing that I see.
But at night in the darkness, these memories try to stay.
Someday these dark memories,will have no hold over me.

What up today?

I hate it when the docs are trying adjust my meds! It's early and I'm already had two panic attacks. I just want to be "normal" (what ever that is.) Why are these emotions swinging from one end to the other? I keep pushing myself, trying to be like everyone else only to find I am "different." Somedays I can "set the world on fire". Today I don't even want to go to the store. What is up with me volunteering for so much stuff? NO is not a hard word to say. Every two year old knows how to say no. How has it escaped my vocabulary?? My "to do" list is long today, so maybe I better start it. I just had to blow off some steam.

Wall of Stone

A little child learn to build her wall of stone.
No arms to comfort her, she was all alone.
Each stone was placed with grief and pain.
She cried and prayed, but no one came.

She built the wall higher each day.
This wall was to keep her pain away.
She did not know this wall of stone,
Would soon become her prison home.

Now numb and frozen in this place.
She never was really safe.
No one would hurt her any more.
To her soul, she had closed the door.

She tried to leave this world behind.
She looked and looked, but could never find
Any hope, any joy, any safe place here
Her life was now too full of fear.

In despiration she prayed and cried,
"Oh, Jesus why haven't I died? "
Jesus reached down and took her by the hand.
He said in love "I'll help you stand."

Together they are tearing down the wall of stone.
Replacing it with a heavenly home.
Now she has joy and peace within.
She no longer is under the curse of sin.

What a day!

Some days are just out there. This has been one of those days. Out of bed, running late to work (well not really-Got there on time instead of being early) and my mind racing at 100 miles per hour. So much that needed to be done today, but all I could do was put out "little fires" all over the office. Nobody was happy today. Gee, everyone needed some Xanax or something! Now I'm trying to relax and pull in these racing thoughts. Just need to slow down, but can not! The organization is out the window and I want to pull my hair out! I wonder what the moon is doing? Oh,well maybe its just me. Gee, there is nothing wrong with being hyper all the time is there? Anyway when I'm not going in circles, I can get a lot done. At least I'm happy! Better run on to the next thing, but it feels better just to let some of this out of my mind.

Broken No More

I was just a little girl of four,
When my daddy started coming to my door.
He said his touch was a special treat,
For his girl innocent and sweet.

I learned to cry myself to sleep.
The pain I felt was far to deep.
The room felt oh so dark and cold.
Oh the damange to my soul.

I learned the rules and played the game.
My life would never be the same.
The hate I felt, I turned within.
This was all because of sin.

The walls I built turned my heart to stone.
No one could see I was all alone.
I never learned to laugh and play.
I only learned to run away.

Jesus looked down and saw my pain.
He wants to rid me of my shame.
He saw the beauty hidden within.
Jesus is putting me back together again.