Monday, February 23, 2009
I feel myself pulling inside myself. Away from others. Afraid of being hurt. It's hard right now to do the simplest things to be around others. I want to. I need to, but I feel frozen. Lost. Even blogging is hard. Reaching out in any way. It began when they told me I needed to take a couple of weeks off of work because my bipolar disorder was affecting my work. The same day I found out that my primary care doctor was leaving. It is so hard for me to trust a doctor. I have real trust issues. There have been too many changes this last year. I guess change is suppose to be good, but I seem to struggle with it. I really don't even know how I feel. I'm just numb. I'm not sleeping. I hate being this way. My psychiatrist says I'm in a mixed episode right now. I just know I am miserable and irritable. My mind is racing,yet I'm depressed. I can't focus. It's got to get better. I'll just take it one day at a time.