Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Questions about Birthdays


Why are birthday so hard if you have been abused? My oldest child and I share the same birthday tomorrow and I can not get excited about it. I just get this sick feeling in my stomach a lot of bad memories. Having my child on my birthday was a wonderful memory. At the time I did not know I was married to a pedophile. It was much later that I found out I had married my worst nightmare.( He is now serving 50 years in prison and was my X at the time we found out.) I have hear others say that their birthdays are hard. Is it because we were not wanted? Is it remembering bad days on our birthdays? Is it just the lack of love we felt? Does anyone know what makes birthdays so bad?

6 comments:

Mike Golch said...

Everyday is a rebirth to some. I feel like I have been reborn ever since I got sober. so I there fore cwlebrate two birthdays My real one on 01/22 and my soberity date 12/10/1990.
If you find it hard to celebratew you birthday I get that. Celebrate your childes. and ehrn you can get past the hurt that you went thru that celebrate you birthday as well. Hugs and God's Love and Blessing.and Happy birthday to you child and the injured child within you.Mike G. said that!(It's an A.A.thing)

Dreaming again said...

Hugs ..and I do hope the day is happy .. inspite of it all!

Tamara said...

I know that I can only remember one single bday party in all of my childhood. I also remember zero gifts although I must have received some. It just seems that birthdays didn't even happen. Luckily I don't have any really bad bday memories either so I actually do look forward to my bdays as an adult and having my husband, friends, what little family I am still in touch with make it a special day.

I am sorry that you have such a hard time with bdays. They must have really been difficult days when you were a kid. Here's hoping you can find a way to enjoy them in the future. You deserve a day to feel really special! Maybe make up a new date to celebrate your "adult" birthdays that separates them from the pain of the past?

Hopefulsl said...

I too never look forward to my birthday do to being 8 days after Christmas. Other then that, i can say that i wish you could somehow have better B'days.... The only reason why i think i do not look forward to mine,is because everybody is so broke after x-mas is why nobody is able to do much for me. Most of the time i just say another day, thats all it is to me....I rather be happy about my special day, but it's always the same every year. Someday i too hope it will be better for me. With that all being said, i do wish you and you daughter A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!((Hugs))my friend.....
Love,Stacy

jennifer said...

This is just my opinion, OK?

I think that everyone feels a little childlike on their birthday. Like it is a personal holiday just for us. Because of what you have experienced, you were robbed of your child hood in a way. So to feel child-like probably makes you feel vulnerable... which makes you unhappy. How about this.... and I know it will sound weird.... choose a day, OTHER than your actual birthday. Give it a significance that is more ADULT - like this is New Pair of Shoes for Wanda Day. Or BRAND New Purse Day. Create a special occasion JUST FOR YOURSELF. Then mark that day on your calendar EVERY YEAR, and celebrate that day. REALLY celebrate. It doesn't have to be a cake (too birthday like), go get an Ice Cream Sundae every year. Shoot, PARTY with friends. And you don't have to tell anyone the exact reason that you are NOT celebrating your birthday (you can just say you are not acknowledging the aging process). Sometimes, I think that it is OK to create JOY. Sooner or later, even if it feels odd at first, I think that real joy can be achieved.

If you choose to create Wanda's special day, will you let me know? I would LOVE to celebrate with you!

Jen

Lynn said...

I don't like my birthday, either. I think mostly that any special occassions make me feel bad because they are 'family' days. I don't like that. Even though my husband and my children are my family now, I can't get rid of the feelings from the time when family days were hijacked by the expectations of abusers. They were the people I was stuck with and they were there every birthday, Christmas, 4th of July, etc.