Thursday, March 08, 2007

Trigger warning The Molested Child

This subject is weighing heavy on my mind. I will mostly likely ramble and not make a lot of sense. I was molested from the age of 4-16 by my step dad. No help was ever there and the impact on my life has been devastating. I learned no boundaries and I married a man that had been molested as a child. I suffered from PTSD and had totally blocked out that these things had happened. Not remembering caused me to not see red flags in my own marriage. I was a workaholic. I worked 60-80 hours per week, leaving my children with a man that had been molested himself as a child. My X was also physically and verbally abusive to me and the children. Since this type of abuse also happen when I was growing up it seemed normal. I did not recognize the dangers in my own home. I know adult make a choice to abuse children and I thank God I never hurt my children in this way. I regret to say it was happening in my own home. I did divorce the man before I knew what he was doing, but the damage was done. Today both of my children suffer from mental disorders . They too can not remember what has happened, but my X admits he was "inappropriate" with them. He has also confessed in court to the molestation of his daughter from his second marriage. I found out today he will be spending time in prison for this act. I see only pain and hopelessness. I feel if I had been aware so much would be different. The pain must end some how some way! The abuse must stop!

13 comments:

wolfbaby said...

honey you can't blame yourself if that is what you are doing.

I am glad he will be doing time and won't be able to hurt yet more people

I am very sorry that you are having this pain and anger in your life.

Take care of yourself ok

hugs

Jade said...

Wanda...I'm really proud of you for getting that off you chest. You let out some pretty powerful stuff right there, and in my opinion thats where healing begins. You stopped running from it long enough to let some of it out, and that took a lot of strength.

I hope with time,counseling, and prayer you can come to the point in which you realize that you as a human you can not be responsible for other peoples wrong doings.
You acted immediately after discovering what was going on, which was the best and only thing you could do at that point.

I think it has taken a lot of strength to let this out Wanda, and I'm really glad that you chose your blogging friends as a positive outlet. ((((((Wanda)))))

Cheesemeister said...

It is hard but you are taking steps in the right direction. I hope not to sound trite but I think you will actually be stronger by facing this.

Raine said...

Prison is a good start to stopping that particular one. Getting your children into therapy so they have help in dealing with their issues now if they are willing to do so is also another way to stop it. There was a two generation predator in my family. He got stopped in prison where he passed away. That finally stopped him. My sister and neice and nephew are doing well now. That is a horrific nightmare of a story that I am willing to share if you ever wanna talk. I also unwittingly brought one home to my daughter and ended up putting him in jail. He didnt stay there long enough but at least he now knows that there is a danger from enraged mothers......Unfortunately predators do exactly this. Getthemselves in postions of trust to enable themselves access to their victims. They dont run around waving flags and signs saying "this is what I am and this is what I am gonna do"

Dreaming again said...

hey girl ... you ok?

Jade said...

How's it goin over there Wanda?

Raine said...

I posted a long thought out response to this once already. Did blogger eat it?

keepers said...

That was a brave and courageous post you put up there! Admitting what happened to you, to yourself and us, is a very big step forward! We are so sorry for the pain but know you did all you could, as you said, the normal you grew up learning was all you knew. We had the same problem.

hugs and blessings

keepers

wolfbaby said...

Hey wanda I hopeyou are doing ok!! just wanted you to knwo I am thinking of you. Take care

jumpinginpuddles said...

you are brave but i know it hurts

MYSTI said...

are you okay Wanda?

Know that I am thinking of you and hoping all is okay.

Hugs

Fallen Angels said...

Where are you Wanda?

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

I echo what the other blogpals say. You cannot blame yourself for this.


You are so brave to have shared all of these big things here. It is my hope that sharing your narrative will help you heal. But it is most important, MOST IMPORTANT, that you do not second guess yourself or add further self-blame to this traumatic story.

Sending you hugs too.