Monday, November 26, 2012

Intrusive Thoughts Haunt Me

Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome involuntary thoughts, images, or unpleasant ideas that may become obsessions, are upsetting or distressing, and can be difficult to manage or eliminate.[1] When they are associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), depression, body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), and sometimes attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), the thoughts may become paralyzing, anxiety-provoking, or persistent. Intrusive thoughts may also be associated with episodic memory, unwanted worries or memories from OCD,[2] posttraumatic stress disorder, other anxiety disorders, eating disorders, or psychosis.[3] According to Lee Baer (a specialist at the OCD clinic of Massachusetts General Hospital), intrusive thoughts, urges, and images are of inappropriate things at inappropriate times, usually falling into three categories: "inappropriate aggressive thoughts, inappropriate sexual thoughts, or blasphemous religious thoughts

Intrusive thoughts seem to haunt me. When my depression is out of control I seemed to be over run by intrusive thoughts. They are so disturbing and freighting. I try to control them but they are over powering.  They are very self destructive. They cause a lot of distress. I am working in therapy to try to overcome these impulses. The thoughts are so demanding, demanding an action. The thoughts are violent in nature. They frighten me. I think something is majorly wrong with me.

Saturday, November 24, 2012


Dream: A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.

I have wondered for a long time what certain dreams mean. I have wondered if I could communicate with those that have gone before me. Why does the mind dream? What is the purpose of dreams? What causes dreams to be distressing or pleasant? I dream a lot. I have both nightmares and pleasant dreams. I feel God can talk to you through dreams. I am curious what others think about dreams. Are they more than random thoughts? Can theses dreams be a link to your past?  During intense therapy I have had many distressing dreams about my past. Can you believe dreams? I have been dreaming a lot recently and am just trying to find some answers for what it all means. I really would like some input from my friends on what they think.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

It Was A Good Day

Today was a good day. I enjoy my family so much. We had a good dinner: turkey with all the trimmings. We ate far too much, but it was so good. I hope everyone had a good day and remembered to give thanks.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Life Can Be Short

One thing I have learned is "life can be short". I just got a call from back home that my brother's first wife had died. She was too young to be gone. I have felt death too much in the past few years. It makes you think how important each day is. We must take time to love and say words of kindness to those that touch our life. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. We must live each day to the fullest. Never ever stop giving and receiving love.  Have a wonderful weekend and tell someone how much you love them.

Monday, November 12, 2012


With Thanksgiving coming up it is time to remember all we have to be thankful for.
  1. My lovely daughter Alice
  2. Wonderful memories of my beloved son Chris
  3. Extended family members
  4. Wonderful friends both near and far
  5. Plenty food to eat
  6. A roof over my head
  7. A car to drive
  8. Great doctors
  9.  Electronics to keep me in touch 
  10. My savior and friend Jesus Christ

Saturday, November 10, 2012

How Do I Feel?

It's hard to understand what I'm going through right now. I'm filled with  self doubt. I know I will make it but I feel so fragile right now. I feel overwhelmed with extreme sadness. I am going through a rough time right now. Please hold me up.

Thursday, November 08, 2012


Does anyone know what the normal value for amnion level in the brain is? I have been trying to find it on line and can't seem to find it. This is very important to me. Any help I would greatly appreciate.

Friday, November 02, 2012

Sad Days

I am having a rough day today. I feel sad and alone. I am missing Chris so much. The death of  a child leaves such a deep dark hole. Some times I think everyone has forgotten Chris except me. He was such a wonderful person. I miss his sweet smile and gentleness. Chris I wish you were here!