Home

I got home from the hospital a few minutes ago. I'm not feeling very well right now. I am very flushed and weak from the rapid change in the hormones. Right now my face looks like a red smurf and my neck looks like Jack the Ripper got a hold of me. I am told it should heal up nicely because all of the stitches are internal and the outside is glued together. The doctor said the one mass was huge and the ultrasound did not show how big it was because it was under the collard bone. It did not look like cancer but we will have to wait for the biopsy to come back. The doctor said the surgery definitely needed done because it was pushing on my trachea. I am glad to have this all done except the healing.

My church is the greatest. They wiil be bringing in some meals for a few days. I am truly blessed!

Surgery

Well my surgery time is 10:15 tomorrow. That's really a pretty good time. It's not too early and not to late. We will have to leave the house around 7:45 to be at the hospital at 8:45. I think I am really pretty calm about it. I'll just be glad to get it done. I'll just be in the hospital over night. Everything else is going okay right now so this is a very short post.

What A Busy Week!

Wow, what a busy week this has been. Between Alice and myself we had six doctor appointment plus she had 8 in house visits from home health care. There has been hardly any time to do anything! Thanks to the help of some good friends that helped with shopping and laundry I don't think we could have made it! The weekend will be busy too. Sunday will be church and small group. This will be the longest time I have left Alice alone. She is getting around super well in the wheelchair. She was able to walk with the walker about 10-12 steps. I finally had time to vacuum the living room.  I'll never catch up. ( lol as if I ever was!)

I had my pre op done Thursday. I guess surgery is just around the corner. I am a little nervous but every one I have talked to says it is a simple surgery. Just the idea of going under the knife for two hours gives me the chills. I'll be glad when this is all done. I'm also a little nervous about leave Alice for 48 hours. This now starting to sound like a medical blog. lol I guess that is all that has been going on recently.

Words

Words can either build up or tear down. We need to be careful how we use our words. I have had people say words that stick with me for years. One hurtful phase that was said to me in high school still comes to mind every now and then. A person called me "horse face". I can't remember the face of the person that said those words but the words are still painful.

I have heard so many good words spoken that have had a lasting effect on me.  These word include:  loveable, considerate, competent, beautiful, special, wonderful, awesome, and smart. These words are so uplifting and help me during rough times. They help me erase the old tapes from my childhood. They help me see myself in a different light. They build me up. We should all speak words that uplift others.

Stronger

I know this song only refers to love gone wrong but it applies to so much of my life. I look back at the child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence, my daughters medical problems, my medical problems, and greatest trauma in my life, the death of my son. I feel I am stronger.  The healing touch of God makes it possible to say this. I wish all theses things had not happened, but I am a stronger person.

Remember

May We Always Remember

A Few Steps

Some wonderful news today. Alice was able to take a few steps today! Most of the time she doesn't have control over her legs but we are making progress. I am so excited. I am so thankful that God did listen to all the prayers that went up for her.

Starting Friday we have an appointment every day for the next week. I have my pre op appointment for the surgery on the 27th. Alice has two appointments and I have three. What a busy week. I haven't had time to be anxious about my surgery. I will just be in the hospital over night.

Dark Pit Of Depression

 

I feel like I am sinking into a deep dark pit of depression. Maybe it's just exhaustion or maybe my bipolar is just cycling that way.  This could also be brought on by the amount of physical pain I am in or the stress I have been under. Crying does not seem to help. I hate it when I feel like this. I am hoping this will soon lift.

Sleep Like A Baby

I was so tired last night you would have thought I would have slept like a baby. NOT SO! I don't know if I was just too exhausted, if I had too much on my mind, or if I had left my medications at the rehab center where Alice is staying. My plans for the night is to take my medication and sleep.

I guess I don't have to tell anyone I have been stressed. I am trying to cope with all that is going on. I see my therapist Friday, I think we will have a lot to talk about. I see my thyroid doctor tomorrow but I not sure what he will do since I have not had surgery yet. I did not have my appointment book today and got a call from my therapist office wanting to know when my next appointment was. It seems that they scheduled me with my daughter therapist. I am still confused who is seeing who. I am supposed to call them back tomorrow to clear up the mess. I guess anyone can made mistakes.

I want to thank everyone for all their support during this stressful time. Your prayers and support means so much to me.

Snappy

I am so tired I am really snappy. Alice is now in the Rehab center. The new doctor stated she may have 50/50 percent of bladder control. Leg use still we will just have to see. I am so tired I can hardly hold my head up. I am looking forward to a night in my own bed. They explained this is a short term physicality. (7-10 days) I don't know what I'm going to do yet. My house is not set for her power wheelchair. I am having surgery on my neck so things maybe very complicated. Like I said before I am just to tired to think straight.

Doctors Seem Impressed

The doctors seemed impressed today with Alice's progress. We are still  along way form being able to walk, but there has been significant improvement. There is movement of upper thigh and very slight movement of the feet. Alice is depressed, but is getting some of her sense of humor back. I am very hopeful. Continue to pray for healing and visit her at AliceP.com. It would lift her spirits to have some visitors.

Crying Like A Baby

Both Alice and myself have been crying. I know I am so tired and emotional but I just can not give up hope. I just don't understand why things keep going so bad. I feel like Job must have felt. I am too tired to write any more.