Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Losing Control

Seems like everyday there are more unpleasant changes happening. I'm feeling a little shakey right now. Two dear friends are moving and that is very stressful. Today I found out that another link of my support system is being removed. My church has always been a strong support for me. At the end of the month we will have lost 3 out of the 4 ministry staff from the church. Each of these people have helped me so much through rough times. I find myself holding on tightly to my faith. I still have friends at my church to hold on to, but the loss seems so great. Right now PK is "holding my hand" to help me adjust to all of the changes. I have thought about trying to run away from all the stress, but know that is not the answer. Things are tense in my family right now too. I need to make some decisons, but do not feel I am thinking clearly enough to do so. A year ago I never dreamed I would be where I am today! Support system shaken, health failing, and financial stress, all seems more than I can deal with. Old coping skills seem to be pushing into my mind. Bad memories and "black outs" are happening more frequently. I feel like I am spinning out of control. I'm sorry this is such a depressing post, but I need to find a way to get some of this "stuff" out. I am open for any and all suggestions!

11 comments:

john michael said...

bad memories and black outs are sometimes indicative of abreactions, i.e. being triggered to past memories and considering the stress you are under right now it is not surprising, try to do your best, hang on to your support system as best you can, and write as much as you want, to get it out.

we are thinking of you and keeping you in our prayers

john michael and keepers

mysti said...

(((Wanda))) You are in my prayers.

Fallen Angels said...

((((wanda)))) Although it's not "real-time support"...don't forget your blog friends...we are still here (something I have a hard time remembering myself).

Wanda's Wings said...

John
Thank you so much for your input. I'm feeling a bit lost right now.

Mysti,
I do believe that prayer can change things.Thanks

Fallen Angel
I don't know what I would do without my blog friends. Thanks for being there!

Dreaming again said...

Don't forget your small group ...it's still intact ...

at least, if we all keep attending it it is ... hint hint hint!!!!!

you know ... when RS and CS actually leave ...and CS is not here you may be picking up Pk ...so ... while I'm holding your hand through things right now ... it's because I'm not thinking about the fact that my ministry partner is also leaving. ACK ...

But honestly ...we WILL make it ... and I do mean what I say, as a church, we will come out stronger for it.

and they are keeping their email addresses ... they still love us ...

we still love each other.

love you girl!

wolfbaby said...

hugs honey... i know it's hard. you are so lucky to have pk there close to you..to hold your hand. i know how much it means to you. hugs

wolfbaby said...

p.s. no apologies for being sad and writting about it.. this is what you need to do to feel better you do it!!

Jade said...

Wanda,
Hang in there girl, we cant fully appreciate the good unless we have reminders of bad.
Try to avoid old or unhealthy coping skills. They're in the past for a reason... Keep writing. Keep sharing, keep strong. This too shall pass.

(((((wanda))))

jumpinginpuddles said...

oh wanda, a friend from aus is still here also :)

Cheesemeister said...

Wanda,
I'm so sorry I don't have any suggestions. It is always hard to lose parts of the support system, especially in cases where we have never felt very supportive. I send you my best and hope for something good to come your way.

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

Sending you my thoughts and prayers.