Nothing Fits

I lost quite a bit of weight after Chris died. As the weather has been cooling off I noticed I did not have a single winter top and only two pair of blue jeans. Money is always tight when you live on disability, but with the car repairs it just about wiped me out. I found myself another pair of nice jeans for $6.99 and a real pretty pink three quarter length selves sweater for $4.99.  I like the bright color tops, even though I'm no spring chicken. I also love bargains. I will check out some consignment stores tomorrow, since there are suppose to be some "great sales". I think I need at least 2 more tops and maybe one pair of dress slacks. I still find myself trying on clothes that are really big and baggy. I guess in time that will change.

I am really believing this Lupus flare up is really trying to hold on. The steroids are not helping the pain at all. I may be trying to push it too much. My friend in OK City said she was having the first flare up in two years and she also know someone else that is having a flare. Weather changes and stress are most likely why I am having the  problem..

Tomorrow I going to a support group called Compassionate Friends. It is for the parents of those that  have lost a child regardless of the age of the child. I'm a little nervous because I'm sure I will cry. I think I need to know what is "normal" after losing a child. I get upset at myself because I still cry so often about losing Chris.  I also find  that I worry so much about Alice now.I have always been very close to my children, but I don't want to "smother" Alice' I just really love my children.  I think I'm still in shock to some degree. I know someday Alice, Chris and I are all going to be together again at Jesus' feet.