I saw my doctor for the last time today. It will be a month before I see the new guy. I also saw my therapist today. I actually got sick and had to leave the session and vomit. She was talking about a lot today, but I could not handle talking about Chris today. My emotions are on edge. I can't say I'm depressed. I just don't seem to care about anything. A friend of mine was in town today and we didn't get a chance to hook up because his meetings and my appointments were in conflict. That makes me really made me sad. He was my former pastor and now is an insurance salesman. We were very close and it hurt really bad when he moved out of the city. My doctor reduced one of my medicine to help with the sleepiness . Like I said it might just be because I don't care about anything. I guess I really do care about my friends and family. I talked with my daughter today and she is not sleeping. I told her to call her doctor to see if he could give her something to help her get some sleep. I am so numb right now. I hate it when I get like this. These are the times I want to self injure. Weird it is not when I'm depressed, but when I feel nothing. I'm going to lie down for a while so I don't do anything stupid.
9 comments:
I'm listening and I'm SO SO SO thinking of you Wanda.
Wish I could tell you just how much...
x
I know it sounds old and repetative, but hang in there. Keep pressing through. It will get better, but you also have to be determined to keep pushing through, even when you don't feel like it. I've been there. Hold tight! Many of us here love you and care about you. Hugs!
I'm sorry you're in such a hard space right now. I think I know how you feel-- being apathetic about everything. It's not a pleasant space.
I'm sorry you and your friend were unable to meet. Hopefully you'll be able to reunite soon.
Wanda, I am sending you love and care through the internet. Be kind to yourself.
Wishing you well,
NOS
Thank you for you kind,loving comment on my blog. the loss you are enduring is nothing next to my son going to college. I admire your strength in just getting up in the morning....the lack of feeling you describe sounds like apathy which sometimes is a result of depression, or amazingly enough, of certain anti-depressant meds. I hope you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and please know that you WILL make it...a day at a time...hugs xo
Continuing to pray for you.
PG
This is touching! I've been there. I recognize those thoughts. hang in there, there's sunshine ahead of you.
Wish I could be there, to listen, to give you huge hugs. Praying for you, and loving you.
Wanda...wish I could help you but know I too am here...listening...in your corner
not caring, being numb is probably the most insidious form of depression because you don't even know you are!
Wish that friend who was in town would give us a ring or 2 when he's here. It's been 2 years since Don and I went to have dinner with him and his wife! I wonder if either of us will ever get over missing them. Maybe it wouldn't be good, missing them, keeps them closer in an odd sort of way.
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