My Sister Is Coming

My 1/2 sister is coming on the 22nd and I am having emotion from one end of the spectrum to the other. I'm very busy doing all the things you do when you have out of town guest coming. Deep cleaning the house and trying to plan so every thing will be perfect. But on the other hand I'm having apprehensive thoughts about the past. When I was very young I started having 'black outs" with "lost periods of time". At 18 I had a complete break down, was put in the hospital, wiped out my past, and then left home. I soon married believing I was a virgin and we tried for several years to get pregnant. I was told my internal organ were messed up and I might never have children,but I got pregnant. After the birth of my child I start having frequent "blackouts" and "waking nightmares". I was placed in a mental hospital and diagnosed with PTSD with dissociation. I called my sister who could not believe I did not remember the repeated rapes by my step dad. So you see I am worried about stirring up the memories. My step dad was cruel as well as sexually abusive. All of my family suffer today from his abuse from years gone by in one way or another.