Update

Just checking in with all my friends. I am about 5 weeks post op of my total knee replacement. This time has been much more difficult than the last one. I guess it is my age and the fact the knee was in much worst shape than the first one. My sister in law fell about a week a go and need the same surgery. I will be spending Tuesday in the hospital with her. She is about 9 years older than me so it might be a bit rough.

It is hard to believe Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Alice and I are planning the basic Thanksgiving dinner. We will take a plate to my sister in law since she will be recovering post op.   Most of my family live several states to the north of me. My best friend is planning a big family get together. She is a great cook and so is her daughter. Remember to give thanks.

GLAD IT'S TURKEY DAY!

Scary

This government shut down is getting scary!

I Am Home

I am finally home from the hospital! They had talked about a rehab hospital but I really wanted to go home. I will be having home health come to my house for a while until I am healed better. I am glad the surgery is done. In a few weeks things will even be better,

UGH

I can't do anything simple! I had the surgery on the knee 3 days ago. The feeling has not come back in my leg so I am unable to stand. I have a sever kidney infection that they have called in a specialist for.  am just ready for this to be all over! I will keep everybody updated. Thanks for your support.

Stress

Right now I am feeling quite stressed. The auto accident in April has added a lot of finical stress. I have had a lot of medical bills plus a car payment that I did not have before the accident. I am pulling my hair out of my head.

I am scheduled for surgery on Thursday. There was significant injury from the auto accident plus damage caused by my lupus. They are going to do a total joint replacement. I am hoping this will relive some pain and help my mobility.

What does everyone think about the government shut down. I has been a long time since the last time this happened. I guess I had better finish my grocery list. Take care.

Pain And Guilt

.The last 3 and half years I have been eaten up with pain and guilt. Today is a real bad day. I feel I should have been able to do SOMETHING to have prevented Chris death. Maybe it was a mistake letting him be put on a ventilator. Would his body fought the infection more? I love him so much. Did I do all I could? I j ust want to hold him in my arms and tell him how much I love him.. DEATH SUCKS1

Looking For Energy

I was hoping losing some weight would give me more energy but so far not so. I guess the lupus is just not that well controlled right now. I have been working on reorganizing my kitchen cabinets but can only do a small amount of time because it causes of so much pain in my arms and shoulders. I'm am so short I have to reach for everything!

I saw my psychiatrist today and he said managing my bipolar disorder was like trying to balance a large ball on a thin wire. We both laughed and I told him I was sorry I was such a pain. He reassured me that I was not the problem that my illness was.

Only 2 weeks until my knee surgery. It would be nice to loose a couple more pounds but I am really stuck. I am trying to eat healthy and not some crazy crash diet this time. I know I have lost 1000 lbs in my life!  It was nice to hear from everyone. Take care. 

Been A Long Time

It's been a long time since I have blogged. In fact it has been so long I didn't think I was going to get the account opened!

This has been a summer of health problems. I had several dental issues that were quite expensive. Things are improving in that area now.  About 2 months ago my heart went into an irregular rhythm. I have been seeing a cardiologist who has got things back to normal. I was in a auto accident in April that did significant damage to my left knee. I had not been able to get the knee repair because of the dental and heart issues. Today I have finally got dental and cardiac clearance! Surgery is now scheduled for Oct 3rd. I have been under so much stress they have also been having a hard time with my bipolar disorder. What a roller coaster!

It is amazing how a few minutes can really change so many things in your life. We were hit by an uninsured motorist. It totaled the car and I only had liability insurance on the car. Needless to say the car had to be replaced. Now I have a car payment. Ugh. Medical bills, oh my. I still feel blessed because things could have been much worst.

I have lost 30 lbs which is a good thing. Will talk again soon.
    

My Brain Is Fried

My brain is fried! It just seems like so much is going on. I am keeping super busy but my body is protesting. I can't believe I'm letting stress get the better of me. I'm not sleeping and I think that is part of the problem. I just got to take time to RELAX!

Much different than last Spring we have been getting a fair amount of rain. When it's not raining it is very humid. We have already had several days with heat index of over 100. Thank goodness my air conditioner is working!

I really need to do some laundry. That's a job that is never done. I have also started a project of cleaning out some of my old clothes. I have things I haven't worn in years. 

I will try to do better about blogging and visiting everyone's blog. I will TRY!

Give Thanks

Just want to list some things I'm thankful for.

1. Jesus loves me
2. My family
3. My freinds
4. I was approved for a used car loan
5. My new car gets 30 mile per gallon in city driving
6. I'm losing weight
7. We were safe through all the Oklahoma tornados

Two Months Later

 

Two months later I am still feeling the effects of the automobile accident. The wheel feel off the car. Thank goodness we weren't going too fast! It happened in front of a dealership who actually give me money for a trade in on a used car. A car payment was NOT in the plans! Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. It's an 09 Hyundai Accent. It would not have been my first choice but it will do. I am still a nervous wreck every time I drive. Two accidents that close together would make anyone nervous.

I had two MRI's this week and both showed damage. My left knee is really messed up and my neck has disc damage.  My doctor said we would discuss surgery at my next appointment. This accident keeps on giving and giving. Funny thing is that I thought the pain I was having was just my "normal" pain.

I have been so hyper and anxious the last several days. My psychiatrist order a lithium  level on me to see if that is OK, Well between PT and my doctors appointments that is all I do.

I really have to be thankful that things were not worst.

Ugh

Does anyone else have trouble with call centers? I have had to call three times for the same problem and they still can't get it right! On top of that you get someone you can't understand. Finally I asked for a supervisor to see if the can fix the problem.

It is so muggy today. We went to some garage sales today and only spent  only13 dollars for a nice computer desk.  Such a deal!

I fell today. I don't understand why but when I'm having a lupus flare I have trouble walking.

Gas Prices

I knew I should have filled the tank yesterday.  It went up 15 cents a gallon over night! It has gone up 25 cents a gallon in a week. Is anyone else having this problem?

Sun Light

The sun is shinning to day so I spent a little time outside. Sunshine is good for the mood so I went for it. I'm getting more range of motion back in my shoulder and hip since I have been going to PT.  My left knee is still very stiff and sore. I still can not fully straighten it. Over all I am getting better.

Thankful today that a group from church are moving my grass.

Where My Mind Is

fear

anxiety

confusion

sadness

darkness

fatigue

depression

Struggling

I have been struggling the last several weeks. It has been hard to blog or do anything that I really enjoy. I have been in a lot more pain since the two motor vehicle accidents. I think that is playing on my emotions. They are starting physical therapy next week on my shoulder and hip. I am hoping to get back some range of motion in both.  I took a short walk today. I think that was good for me. It was very cool, almost cold, outside today. It is good to get out of the house.

Spring

The weather has been crazy this spring. It's 80-90 today.  Tomorrow it's only going to be in the 40's. Our air conditioner is out so the cool front will be welcome. My allergies have been going crazy! It is Spring.

Hanging On

My emotions are all over the place! Sometimes I just start crying for no reason at all. I am in a lot of physical pain from the auto accidents and it seems when I am in pain it effects my bipolar disorder. It has also been hard not having a car to drive because Alice's truck in in the shop. I just feel like I'm hanging on the end of my rope.

Run Of Bad Luck

In a two week period of time I was a passenger in two auto accidents. The first one was on Good Friday and I was visiting my friend in Shawnee. A young girl ran a red light and totaled my friends car. Thank goodness she was insured. Both my friend and I had contusions but no broken bones. We were both very sore but it could have been much worst. The second accident was Monday. Alice was driving my car when someone pulled into the side of our car knocking us across 3 lanes into a ditch. Alice spent 3 days in the hospital because it caused increased injury to her back.  I only suffered contusions and strains.  This driver was uninsured and fled the scene of the accident. It was witnessed and a tow truck driver tracked her down and had her come back to the scene.  We both were taken to the hospital in two ambulances. I believe they will total the car.  Right now it is not drivable.We had liability and uninsured motorist only since my car was not new. We had no choice but get a lawyer to see if we can at least replace the car.

Thank goodness for friends helping us out to the stores and other things. We are still so blessed.

Structure

My therapist told me yesterday she thinks I need more structure in my life. I disagree. I have had structure all my life and now I want freedom. I want to be able to do what I want when I want. If I choose to do nothing some days so be it. She thinks I need to attend a Bipolar support group. Right now I am not interested. I have nothing against support groups but right now I just don't want to center my life around my mental illness. I guess I am being somewhat uncooperative but I want an uncomplicated life. It is not like I don't do anything. There is my small group, church, my friends, as well as program that I am trying to get accepted in to. Most of the time I am in so much pain it is hard to do things. This weekend I am going to spend time with a good friend. We are doing a "beauty day". a day watching her great grand kids hunting Easter eggs, the movies, and a lot more. Friday Alice and I went to a church dinner and bingo. I enjoy my blogging and TV shows. Maybe I should do more but most of the time I just don't feel like doing more. In fact the center just called and we have an appointment  next week.. I guess I will keep working at the things I like and go from there.