I saw my psychiatrist today and he told me I needed to start taking better care of myself and not trying to fix every one's problems. He said I operate too much in a guilt mode and over things that I had no control over to begin with. I know he is right and I'm over responsible and try to be everything for everybody, but it's hard to change. I think he is right if I don't stop I am really going to crash and burn. If I can just make it through this week I can slow down a little. I have to take my friend to two doctors this week. I have already had to go to DHS to turn in some paper work for my son. My poor house needs a good cleaning, but there are only so many hours in a day. Maybe next week will be better.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Sorry I have dropped off the face of the earth. Right after I was discharged from the hospital a good friend of mine was in a bad auto accident. I have been staying with her, helping her around the house, shopping, and taking her to appointments etc. Needless to say I'm exhausted. I got a chances to go home for a couple of days to catch up on my "Stuff". Keeping busy has kept my mind off all the things going on in my life right now. I'll try to make it around to everybody site to catch up before I go back to her house. She doesn't like computers and doesn't have one. I can't image no computer! Thanks everyone for checking up on me. I'm still hanging in there!
Thursday, March 08, 2007
This subject is weighing heavy on my mind. I will mostly likely ramble and not make a lot of sense. I was molested from the age of 4-16 by my step dad. No help was ever there and the impact on my life has been devastating. I learned no boundaries and I married a man that had been molested as a child. I suffered from PTSD and had totally blocked out that these things had happened. Not remembering caused me to not see red flags in my own marriage. I was a workaholic. I worked 60-80 hours per week, leaving my children with a man that had been molested himself as a child. My X was also physically and verbally abusive to me and the children. Since this type of abuse also happen when I was growing up it seemed normal. I did not recognize the dangers in my own home. I know adult make a choice to abuse children and I thank God I never hurt my children in this way. I regret to say it was happening in my own home. I did divorce the man before I knew what he was doing, but the damage was done. Today both of my children suffer from mental disorders . They too can not remember what has happened, but my X admits he was "inappropriate" with them. He has also confessed in court to the molestation of his daughter from his second marriage. I found out today he will be spending time in prison for this act. I see only pain and hopelessness. I feel if I had been aware so much would be different. The pain must end some how some way! The abuse must stop!